


Playing Games

by yumtiramisu



Category: Connor Franta - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF, tronnor - Fandom, troye sivan - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: AU, Attempt at Humor, Friends With Benefits, M/M, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumtiramisu/pseuds/yumtiramisu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Connor and Troye begin hooking up to distract one another from the difficult things going on in their lives' and decide to keep it from their group of friends, only to realize it’s so much more than just a friends with benefits situation.</p><p>or</p><p>Loose Friends AU where Troye and Connor accidentally stumble into love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Friday Night Out

Connor glances around Alfie and Zoe’s apartment, absorbing the amount of incredible people from all over the world currently in the room with him. A part of him still can’t get a firm grip to accept that this is his life now, one where he is free to travel with amazing people. His life consists of butterflies having taken a permanent residence in his stomach, of his heart constantly racing at new and welcomed challenges, and of a strange kind of gratifying fear always flying around like a bird in his mind.

He knows too well where these feelings stem from; it’s a seed he planted back in January, when after a long night, he finally came out to one of his closest friends, Tyler, at five in the morning. From that night on, what he had sown slowly began to bloom, threatening to overtake his entire life and being; he couldn’t be more excited and terrified. He finally saw the wall in front of him beginning to fall, shrouded by the vines of his true self fighting to squeeze through. And even though he has still only come out to Tyler, his resolve to stay in the closet is slowly deteriorating as time goes by. 

Connor blinks, watching Zoe and Alfie dance around to random oldies songs playing through a portable speaker with a small smile on his face. They had made the bold decision to move to America just a few short months ago, and after much difficult planning, they along with Connor, Troye, and Tyler have managed to make a trip to Brighton happen, as a final hurrah. They didn’t know how permanent the move would be, but they were in love and eager and Connor was excited for them. 

Louis, Tanya, Jim, Joey, and a few others also took time off from their busy schedules’ to help kick off Zoe and Alfie's last week in Brighton, starting with an extensively planned Friday Night Out. They haven’t made specific plans of where to go, they honestly just plan to bar hop, but it’s the smaller details everyone has hyped up.

Everyone has been required to keep a list of different things to do collectively throughout the night, including: Try 3 drinks you haven’t tried before (this one personally scares Connor, he’s a lightweight afterall), dance with a stranger, kiss a stranger, steal something, dance on a bar, etc. Most of the boys are pumped to get on with the shenanigans, Connor mostly dreads them seeing as the list gets completely ridiculous towards the end. He hopes he doesn’t end up having to do one of the more extreme ones.

Tyler plops himself onto the couch next to Connor, handing him his first beer of the night. The rest of the group either converse or begin to have their first or second beer to commence the occasion. The atmosphere is completely peaceful, until the shouting starts.

Troye has been sitting on a counter in the kitchen for the past half hour, away from the group, but now is pacing the kitchen. He’d been there the entire time since he had received an unexpected call a while ago from his boyfriend. His voice slowly has become louder and louder until it’s full on shouting.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Are you seriously trying to make this my fault right now?!” 

Tyler and Connor both whip their heads’ around to see what’s going on and Zoe and Alfie stop dancing at the sound of Troye’s escalating voice.

“I can’t believe you would do that. I can’t believe you would -”

A few others turn to look at Troye, too and Connor whispers to Tyler, “What’s going on?”

Tyler only shakes his head, his eyes big with concern glued on Troye.

“How long, how many times?!”

Zoe gasps and covers her mouth while Alfie’s face falls into a hard frown, shutting his eyes in disappointment. The rest of the room falls dead silent, the sound of Troye’s yelling and a random Frank Sinatra song in the background echoing throughout the apartment. A couple of people jump, startled when Troye’s voice almost turns into a full on roar.

“WHAT THE FUCK RYAN. WHAT THE FUCK! THREE MONTHS?! I LITERALLY SAW YOU TWO WEEKS AGO!”

Connor’s jaw clenches now that he, too understands what is going on; Tyler simply drops his head into his hands.

“NO. FUCK - IT’S NOT MY FAULT. I’VE BEEN TRYING MY HARDEST TO MAKE THIS WORK BUT YOU NEVER - ” he sounds nearly hysterical with rage, causing some of his friends to feel uncomfortable and others to just stare in alarmed concern. Troye doesn’t cease fire for another ten minutes, not until Zoe reluctantly takes the initiative out of the group to walk over and to as gently as possible take the phone from Troye’s hands. 

By then Troye’s chest is heaving hard, tears rolling down his face, and with his stomach in a million knots, “I swear I’m going to puke, I’m going to fucking puke.”

Zoe stumbles to say something encouraging, but seeing Troye in this state has her a little bit frightened; no one has ever seen him like this before. Troye ignores her attempts to be encouraging, completely zoned out and unable to process anything she’s saying. He takes his phone back and dashes to the guestroom where he locks himself in. Everyone stays frozen in shock; Zoe and Tanya go after him, knocking on the guestroom door hoping he will talk to them. However, after several minutes without an answer, it’s clear Troye has no intention of unlocking the door.

The apartment stays silent save for the sound of Troye’s muffled sobs.

“Oh my god,” Joey quietly breaks the silence.

Zoe feels like crying and she looks over at Tanya who looks like she might just start crying too, she can’t bear to see Troye like this, “What do we do? He’s so upset.”

Tyler finally lifts his head up from his hands and speaks up, “I cannot believe that little bitch, Ryan. I mean cheat on Troye, seriously?”

“That’s so fucked up,” Connor chimes faintly.

“What do we do now? We had an entire evening planned,” Alfie comments, noticing several people staring at each other awkwardly.

“Alfie!” Zoe exclaims.

“What?”

“You can’t possibly still be thinking about going out after what just happened.”

“I mean what else are we supposed to do? Troye’s just locked himself in. He’s not going to open that door until he’s ready.” Zoe prepares to argue back before she’s interrupted.

“He kind of has a point,” Tyler says, “You guys go out, I’ll stay with him.”

“But you were so looking forward to tonight more than anyone. I mean, the entire list was mostly your idea,” Alfie says.

“We can’t leave him like this!” Tanya says.

“I can’t imagine that he would want this many people around him at the moment,” Louis comments minutes later, everyone mulling over what they think is right to do in the particular situation, “The lad’s probably going to want a little bit of space for a while.”

“Louis!” Tanya exclaims with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“Look, I don’t think anyone here likes it,” Louis starts calmly, “But a locked door is a pretty clear indicator of what Troye wants right now. No one wants to be surrounded by fifteen people after having a fight with their boyfriend. Let’s give him some time to cool down and then we’ll see who can do what for him.”

“Yeah, a couple of us can always come back and check up on him later,” adds Jim, “And Tyler said he’ll stay.”

Most of the men are in agreement but Zoe and Tanya have a hard time agreeing it’s okay to leave Troye. They discuss different ideas of what to do for a few minutes until Connor gets a text.

“Hang on, he just text me,” he tells the group, opening up his messages.

 **From:** Troye  
6:32pm  
_Please don’t let this ruin tonight's plans._

 **From:** Connor  
6:32pm  
_We’re not going to leave you here by yourself like this, Tro. Tyler and I can stay with you while everyone else still goes out._

 **From:** Troye  
6:33pm  
_I really just want to be alone.Tell them it’s really okay. I want everyone to go and have fun._

 **From:** Connor  
6:34pm  
_Promise me you’re not lying._

 **From:** Troye  
6:34pm  
_I promise._

Connor knows Troye well enough to he’s not lying, the boy wears his heart on his sleeve after all. If Troye wanted someone to stay with him, he would say so. Even though he dislikes the idea of leaving Troye in an empty apartment to collect his thoughts and emotions, Connor recognizes that that’s what he wants at the moment, he doesn’t need to understand it. “He really just wants to be alone for a little while. I think he just needs to cry it out.”

Tanya and Zoe look at him like he’s grown an extra head before Zoe retorts, “No way he’s staying here alone all night.”

“No one’s saying he’ll be alone all night, just enough for him to digest the fight he just had with his boyfriend. I think we all know how that is,” Connor replies.

“You’re probably right. He’ll probably be more susceptible to talking later when he’s had some time to think about everything,” Tyler adds even though he hates the idea, too.

It takes a few more minutes of convincing the girls, they only do so when both Tyler and Connor promise someone will come back in a couple of hours to check on Troye. Then they are all off piling into cabs to begin their epic Friday Night Out. Nearly everyone bombards Troye’s phone as they ride to the first bar.

 **From:** Tanya  
7:01pm  
_Troye we love you! Call if you change your mind and don’t to be alone. xx_

 **From:** Zoe  
7:01pm  
_I love you so much!! Don’t forget it and text if you want us to come back. Love you so so so much Troye Troye._

 **From:** Connor  
7:02pm  
_We’re heading out, Tro. Please call if you need anything._

 **From:** Tyler  
7:02pm  
_We’re just a phone call away whenever you’re ready._

**From:** Louis  
7:05pm  
_I know this is hard but it’s part of the adventure. Come out later, yeah? It’ll make you feel better._

 **From:** Aflie  
7:10pm  
_Hey m8 we have left over vodka in the fridge...feel free!_

Troye rolls his eyes at Louis’ text and gets a small laugh out of Alfie’s. Putting his phone on silent, he buries his face into the white pillows on the bed, and lets himself cry all over again.

-

“Three, two, one, cheers!”

They’re standing in a tight circle in a pretty crowded bar having their first shots’ of the night. Some of them enjoy it, others are regretful. Connor is the latter, as he is running low on energy from all the traveling and being around being people 24/7 for two days straight. He loves being around his friends, but he hasn’t had any proper recuperating time; a bar is the last place he wants to be.

The group scatters to different parts of the bar. Tyler quickly finds himself grinding with random people on the dancefloor to cross off ‘dance with a stranger’ from the list, the couples go off into corners by themselves (probably eager to cross off ‘make out with someone’), and Joey and Louis find new people to talk to (‘get a person’s phone number’). Connor would normally join the last two but instead he goes to sit at the bar and orders an Old Fashioned - a drink he’s never tried before.

The bar itself is really nice, however the loud atmosphere is just too much. People are shouting at each other to be heard over the awful music, and Connor is sure he’ll be ready to go soon. As he sits nursing his drink, which is surprisingly good, his thoughts wander back over to Troye. 

For the past six months or so they had become extremely close. Connor had even been the one Troye turned to back in December when he and Ryan had their first fight. Connor had stayed up until nearly four in the morning just talking to Troye, reassuring him everything would be okay and giving him advice on how to handle the situation. He understood the feeling of thinking the world would fall apart over uncertainty in a relationship all too well, and how that irrational that can make someone feel and act. Ever since then they have been in contact on a nearly daily basis whether it was through text, phone calls, in person, or Skype.

Even before Connor could admit his attraction to men, he had been able to recognize and appreciate Troye as an extremely attractive boy. Man. It depends on the day really. So as he ponders possible reasons as to why Ryan would cheat, he finds he can only think of more positive things about Troye. 

Troye is someone that can make those around him feel comfortable and at ease. Without Troye even knowing that Connor is gay, they had become more and more comfortable in each other’s space. He believes since he’s accepted his sexuality, he’s no longer afraid of what staring too long or sitting too close to another boy could mean. Sweet, but sarcastic and witty, Troye is never a bore and more importantly, he is always kind. While he knows that Troye isn’t perfect, he can’t fathom someone being blind to all of Troye’s good qualities and choosing to hurt him like Ryan did.

A man sits in the stool next to him, abruptly ending his train of thought. Connor smiles at the him tightly, taking a sip from his drink. The man is handsome; tall, tan, lean, and with sweet brown eyes that definitely grab Connor’s attention. He starts up a conversation, making Connor’s head spin that he’s in public being chatted up by a slightly older, very attractive man. It almost makes him change his mind about leaving the bar. Almost. The man puts a hand on Connor’s shoulder and runs it down to his wrist. The action completely startles Connor and when a girl in his view pukes on the dancefloor, he decides he’s done. He leaves his unfinished drink on the bar and barely excuses himself. 

From the corner of his eye he sees Zoe and Alfie sucking face as he exits the bar. He rapidly types out a text to Troye, paranoid the man will come after him or something ridiculous.

 **From:** Connor  
8:30pm  
_Hey can you unlock the front door? I’m heading back._

 **From:** Troye  
8:36pm  
_Sure._

Once in a cab he shoots Tyler a text telling him where he’s gone and sighs in relief to be sitting in silence.

-

When Connor arrives at the apartment he knocks on the guestroom door and waits; after a minute he gets a quiet invitation in.

Troye is in the middle of the bed on his stomach facing away from the door, still sniffling as Connor lies down next to him. Once settled on his side facing the younger boy, Connor notices Troye’s eyes are completely bloodshot and the tip of his nose is red while the rest of his face seems paler than normal.

“Hey,” Connor says gently as he grabs a pillow to make himself more comfortable.

Troye whispers back, “Hey.” He turns onto his side to face Connor properly and tries his best to clear the knot in his throat that doesn’t want to go away, “Why are you back so early?”

“Bar was kind of lame. The band sucked. Tyler started getting sloppy and Zalfie started sucking face,” Troye smiles slightly at the last statement before Connor adds, “And, um, I was worried about you.”

Troye’s frown returns and he buries his face into the pillow to muffle a loud groan of frustration, “This is so stupid,” he faces Connor again, “I’m so fucking stupid -”

“Hey! Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. As if I could actually keep someone around -” Troye spits out bitterly.

“Troye, no, come on, don’t think like that. No, no,” Connor puts a finger to Troye’s lips, “I’m not going to lie here and listen to you talk about yourself that way.”

Troye chews the inside of his cheek and stays quiet when trying to speak only makes him want to cry even more. Connor puts a tentative hand on Troye’s arm and rubs up and down soothingly, “This might be a stupid question, I mean, is it just a fight or did you end it with him or? What’s going through your mind?”

Troye opens his eyes, sniffling again, “He told me that he felt like I stopped caring a long time ago. That I was the one not calling, not texting, that I was the one pulling away.”

“That’s bull.”

“What if he’s right, Con? What if with everything that’s been going on with the EP and this insane amount of traveling I just completely forgot about him and didn’t realize it? What if it really is all my fault?” Troye’s voice trembles.

“I don’t know what he said to you...but regardless of whether you were pulling away or not he cheated. Not you. If he felt that way he should have told you sooner. Not communicating that to you, when he’s older and has more experience is totally stupid.” Connor speaks firmly, with what he hopes is also a calm and level voice. He hopes that Troye believes him, he hopes he’s getting through to him but with the next thing Troye says, Connor is made aware of how deeply he’s just been hurt.

Troye’s chin quivers slightly and Connor _hates_ this, “I called him back after you guys left. I told him that I want to understand and that maybe we can work it all out, because I love him and - ”

“Troye, please tell me you didn’t take him back -”

“And he dumped me.” 

Connor sits up instantly, “What?! No, no that’s fucking _bullshit_. No.” The only reason Troye doesn’t start crying again is because he’s slightly taken aback on how infuriated Connor is at the moment, “Okay no, he doesn’t get to do that to you. Ryan doesn’t get to cheat on you, throw the blame on you, _and_ then dump you, too!”

The next thing Connor does surprises Troye even more, he grabs the younger boy by the hands and hauls him up off the bed.

“Con, you’re being an amazing friend right now, but I really don’t feel like going anywhere.”

Connor holds onto one of Troye’s hands, leading him out of the room, “We’re not.” Connor let’s go of Troye’s hand once they’re in the kitchen and he opens up the freezer, taking out the three bottles inside of it. “I’m not going to let this night and week get completely ruined by that dou - by Ryan,” he corrects himself bearing in mind that Troye just said he still loves Ryan, “So what would you like?” 

Connor nearly laughs at the irony of leaving a bar to come home and drink when they examine the bottles; one vodka, one tequila, and one gin. They decide against the gin since the bottle isn’t even open yet.

“Let’s have the tequila, there’s only enough vodka for the both of us to have one, maybe two small shots,” Connor says.

“Tequila makes my clothes comes off,” Troye says matter of factly.

Connor throws his head back in laughter, “Perfect,” he takes the first swig and then passes the bottle to Troye.

Troye wants to tell Connor that he really isn’t up for this right now, but then he realizes it’s this or back to moping and he quickly decides, “Fuck it.”

-

An hour and a half later they are dancing around the living room with Rihanna’s _Disturbia_ playing on the portable speaker on repeat. They are laughing, taking turns spinning each other by the hand, and tipsy. Their faces’ are flushed pink and they quickly become disoriented when spinning each other around. At one point Troye loses his balance and topples onto Connor, causing them to land on the couch.

Troye giggles as he attempts to continue to dance in their current position by rolling his hips and Connor laughs hysterically, “I really think you just humped me.”

Troye cackles so hard that his facial expression turns into a wickedly wide smile that Connor’s never seen on him before. He’s laughing so hard that he ends up rolling off of Connor onto the floor and then they are really clutching their sides’ in pain. He manages to stand up while Connor stays on the couch with a smile on his face. Troye puts both of his arms in the air and begins to jump around while singing.

“Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum!” He sings, jumping onto the couch to straddle Connor’s lap, “Come on, Connie Frannie, sing with me!” 

Troye begins to bounce around in his current position and Connor swears his face will split with how much he’s grinning. The song starts to close for the fifteenth time, the speaker dies, and Troye sways in a way in which he comes dangerously close to meeting the floor again. Luckily, Connor steadies him with his hands on his hips. The lyrics ring back in Troye’s mind as he sits with his eyes shut, still straddling Connor, losing his momentum fast. 

He opens his eyes enough to peer down at Connor who is still very smiley. The silence and stillness of the room becomes very apparent. Troye shifts to lying on the other boy, hoping it doesn’t make him uncomfortable. That doubt quickly goes away when Connor wraps his arms around Troye’s slim waist. Troye’s breathing slows against Connor’s chest and the excitement wears off as he starts to remember why they started drinking in the first place. 

As if reading his mind, Connor asks, “What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t know. I feel tired now. What time is it?” He mutters, playing with the drawstring of Connor’s sweater.

Connor pulls out his phone from his front pocket, “Nearly eleven. The night is still young.”

“Mmmkay,” Troye closes his eyes to collect the muddy feelings in his brain from the alcohol. He probably naps on top of the other boy for at least fifteen minutes, he’s not sure, and starts to feel more clear headed, “I wanna go back to bed,” he yawns as he sits up between Connor’s knees, “Come with me?”

Connor blinks, smiling lazily, “Of course.” He sends both Tyler and Zoe texts updating them on Troye, telling them not to worry, before going to get plenty of water to rehydrate. Troye walks into the guestroom to find that his phone has been vibrating for the past twenty minutes with a reminder on the screen reading: CALL UR BOY. Troye swallows hard and all the hurt comes crashing back like an unexpected wave in the ocean. Connor finds him drowning, with his eyes like glass waiting to break.

“I should have tried harder, shouldn’t have I,” he mumbles as if he’s the one who should be ashamed.

With a blank expression on his face, Connor hands him a glass of water, “Drink this.”

“Did you hear me?”

“I said drink.”

Reluctantly, Troye does. They are still slightly buzzed but the euphoria has evaporated away from Troye’s veins entirely.

Once they’ve drank their water, Troye can’t help it and his mouth forms words before he can stop them, “No, I really should’ve tried harder. I mean there’s a reason he cheated it’s because I wasn’t paying him more attention - ”

“Stop trying to justify his cheating!” Connor exclaims a little louder than he means to.

“You don’t understand, I’m the idiot. I screwed this up - ”

“What did he say to you to convince of you that?!”

“I’m the one who had never been in a relationship before, I’m the one without any experience -”

“That’s not how it works!” Connor protests.

Troye continues as if he didn’t even hear Connor, “I’m the one that didn’t know what he was doing, so it makes sense that I wouldn’t notice these things.”

“Troye, I promise you that’s not how relationships work.”

“You don’t fucking get, Connor! What was a guy like him even doing with a skinny boy like me?! He could’ve been with anyone and I was crazy enough to think I deserved him. I’m just so blind sometimes and I don’t even realize it ‘cause I’m such a right dic - ”

A twist has been forming in Connor since he got back to the apartment, and hearing Troye talk about himself that way causes it to snap, and he can only blame what he does next on the remaining bit of alcohol left in his system.

Troye continues to ramble when the older boy grabs him with his hands on either side of his face and smashes their mouths’ together. Troye freezes immediately and inhales sharply as he registers what’s happening. Several moments pass with their mouths’ just together, the tension winding up even more, and _fuck it_ Troye springs first as he both starts to move his lips against Connor’s and brings their bodies’ closer. Their lips slide together almost sloppily with hesitation, and when tongues lightly touch, Troye abruptly pulls back, “You just kissed me.”

“Yeah,” Connor’s green eyes are wide as if it’s just dawned on him, too.

“O-on the mouth…,” it sounds like a question, like he needs the other boy to confirm he’s not wrong.

“I’m aware.”

Hesitantly, Troye slowly tells him, “I’m not drunk.”

Connor almost inaudibly answers, “Me neither.”

Troye doesn’t even think, he just lunges forward, causing them to fall back onto the mattress. He pushes back any thoughts that tell him this is really reckless and arbitrary, even if they are both sober enough to think rationally. At first it’s messy, but piercing with wonder. Connor’s lips move hotly against Troye’s, turning into a match to ignite the gasoline beneath Troye’s skin, engulfing him in flames. He decides it’s so much better than feeling as though his lungs are full with water from all the hurt, anger, and confusion. So they shuffle further up the bed awkwardly and once they settle, Troye maneuvers in between Connor’s legs. Both of them move on pure hungry instinct, not taking a second to fully register what is happening.

Kisses become more and more frantic as friction builds between their bodies’ at a startling rate, their foreheads bumping clumsily here and there. Troye’s hips involuntarily roll downward, desperately wanting more contact, and elicit a few strangled noises from the boy beneath him. Hands roam everywhere; on heaving chests, unsure arms, and necks. A bold and curious hand slides down in between Troye’s jeans and underwear. Troye’s eyes shoot open as he lets out a strangled moan, and he pushes just a few inches away so blue eyes can look into green ones, “Wait, aren’t you straight?”

“I literally have my hand in your pants,” Connor deadpans.

Troye blinks a few times, “Okay. Yeah, touché,” and their lips instantly attach.

They roll around, unsure of what feels good to the other, but their actions never halt and the heat continues to escalate until neither can stand it anymore. Connor is on top when he breathlessly asks, “Can I take your pants off?” Troye nods fervently, lifting his hips after Connor undoes his belt. He yanks Troye’s jeans down his thighs and before he can even finish getting them off, Troye is reaching for his belt as well, “Let me get yours off first.”

“Hurry up!” Troye whines, throwing his head back onto the pillows.

“So impatient,” Connor teases, pulling the jeans completely off, “It’s not my fault your jeans are so tight.”

Troye ignores his antics and grabs him roughly by the front of his shirt, pulling him forward. In no time Troye has hastily unzipped Connor’s sweater, sliding it off of him before getting rid of the shirt as well. He begins undoing his belt, from his current position Connor ends up having to lie next to Troye to kick off his pants. Troye takes the opportunity to get back between Connor’s legs and starts grinding his hips down ruthlessly; Connor bucking his upwards as much as he can. 

Their lips' only separate when the sensations become too much for them to handle, to the point where they need to unexpectedly moan or gasp for air. Troye is the one who finally asks, “Do you want to?” And he’s thankful that for once Connor just responds with an immediate _yes_ , rather than over analyzing everything. He moves back down and Connor meets him up in a desperate kiss, his fingers digging into the other boy’s back.

“Did you bring any condoms or lube?” Troye asks in between kisses.

“No, I wasn’t exactly expecting to have sex.”

“Yeah me neither, obviously,” he refuses to let his mind wander back to Ryan.

They stop, look at each other, and in unison say, “Tyler.” Troye leaps up off the bed and walks over to Tyler’s luggage. If he hadn’t been aching so much in his boxers he might have taken the time to diplomatically search through the bag, but instead he just unzips it and flips it upside down, sending its contents everywhere. Connor giggles from the bed and Troye’s just happy that after a second of sifting through the mess he finds a small bottle of lube and an open ten pack of condoms.

He grabs them and is back on the bed, “So how do you want to do this?”

“What do you mean?” Connor reaches for the hem of Troye’s shirt and pulls it off, allowing his hands to finally touch his bare skin.

“Come on, Con. You know what I mean...” he sees the blank look on his face, “Do you want to do me or do you want me to do you.”

Connor flushes red, “Oh! Oh! Um...whatever you prefer.”

“Whichever you’re more comfortable with,” Troye pauses for a second, “Wait, Con -”

“What?” he asks nervously.

“Have you ever been with a boy?”

“Oh! Yeah,” Connor replies chuckling awkwardly, “I thought you were gonna ask to do something kinky.”

“ _Connor_.”

“I don’t really have a preference,” Connor says after a minute, feeling incredibly weird that this an actual conversation happening with Troye, of all people. 

“Okay...so, how about we rock paper scissors it?”

“Seriously?!” Connor would have made a joke about Troye’s maturity level, but he knew now wasn’t the time. Troye just responds by beginning to palm himself through his boxers. “Alright, alright!” Connor responds flustered, “On shoot. Whoever wins gets to do the...doing.”

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” Connor throws out scissors and Troye throws out rock. Connor bites back a smile; Troye always picks rock first.

Troye doesn’t waste a second, he immediately tackles Connor back down and they kiss each other senseless, all inhibitions completely gone. It’s awkward because they are friends, it’s also slightly easier; they are able to laugh at the less than graceful moments.

Suddenly, it’s all a whirlwind. Connor’s legs are wrapped around Troye’s waist as he thrusts into him, both of them so completely high in the feeling. Troye learns that Connor can be _loud_ and it drives him wild to see Connor squirm so much underneath his body. Had anyone come home they would have heard loud pants, moans, and the sound of the headboard constantly meeting the wall.

It feels like both forever and not nearly long enough when Troye collapses next to Connor, both of them completely breathless and spent. They lie shoulder to shoulder, eyes wide, completely stunned at what just took place. 

Troye manages to breathe out, “Did that really just happen?”

Their eyes meet in awe and it’s only a second before they burst into small giggles. Connor doesn’t speak, he just laughs quietly deciding his mind is going in too many directions to have anything eloquent to say. He doesn’t mean to, but between coming off the high of his orgasm and the lone sounds of Troye’s breathing, he drifts off for a few minutes. He doesn’t sleep for long, his body still completely naked and uncovered gets cold, and it wakes him to the sight of Troye having dozed off. 

He takes a minute to check his phone and sees there are several texts from Tyler and Zoe asking how everything is going from over an hour ago. _Umm...how is everything, going?_ He looks over at the naked boy next to him, replying to the texts by simply saying that things were ‘Uh, okay’.

Beside him Troye’s eyes slowly flutter open with a look of fondness in them. Connor puts his phone back down, shifting back over to Troye, and murmurs against his lips, “Hey.”

“Hey?” Troye whispers slightly surprised that the older boy is kissing him. Connor has a small, shy smile playing at his lips as he runs a hand down Troye’s torso. Troye’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open slightly, “What...again?” he asks, trying to contain his amazement and enthusiasm. 

“Mmhmm,” Connor nods with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “My turn.” And Troye lets his legs fall open to let Connor run a hand between them.

It’s all fun and games what they are doing, but when they’re done Connor isn’t sure how he’ll forget the feeling of Troye tight around him. Or the sound of his voice chanting Connor’s name as he drags his nails down his back, because _holy shit_ it’s all too much in the best way possible. Troye wonders the same, when he plays back Connor’s intoxicating reactions to his touch.

A small amount of dread builds between them when they lie there silently pondering the possible consequences of what they’ve just done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. This is my first work for the Tronnor fandom, also the first work I've even attempted in like 5 years so I apologize that my writing skills are super duper rusty (also I don't have a beta, again, my apologies). I hope it's still somewhat enjoyable. I'd love to hear feedback, so please leave some. :)
> 
> (This work will also available on Wattpad under the same username, if you prefer that format.)


	2. The LA Rule

It’s not until nearly one in the morning when they hear the others arrive back, but they miss their cue to get situated and without warning, the bedroom door flies open and a drunk Tyler Oakley walks in. Instantly, Troye jolts the duvet up to his chest as Connor quickly dips under to take cover, attempting to flatten himself against the smaller boy as much as possible.

“HEY!” Shouts an oblivious Tyler, “We’re back! How are you feel - OH MY GOD BABE?!” Tyler’s voice hiccups and his face is the color of a tomato as he trips over his own feet, taking in the view in front of him. Tyler’s voice drops an octave lower, “Were you jerking off?”

Troye looks like a deer caught in headlights, “Uhh...”

“Nope! Nope!” Tyler hastily shakes his finger at him, “It’s none of my business, you don’t need to give me an explanation. I just need to get my drop of pants and a change of eyes,” Tyler pauses, blinks several times, and tries again, “I need my eye drops and a change of pants and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Okay,” Troye squeaks as he watches Tyler walk over to his destroyed luggage.

“What the fuck?!”

Troye screws his eyes shut and prays Tyler doesn’t notice the two empty condom packets on the floor or any underwear that isn’t his, “Sorry...I needed lube.”

“Is this just how you handle stress or - ”

“I’d rather not discuss this right now, Tyler,” Troye grits through his teeth.

“Right, right...I’m sorry,” he turns to walk out, but when he reaches the door he turns back around, “Where’s Con? I thought he was here with you. Did he go somewhere?”

“No fucking clue,” Troye grits again, feeling a slight vibration on his belly from Connor failing to hold back laughter.

“That’s strange, he doesn’t just take off like that.”

“Yeah, well, he’s definitely not here. In this room. Right now. At all,” Troye squeaks feeling more and more antsy, clutching the duvet so tightly his hands shake.

“Alright, I’m going to leave you to...finish. Lock the door next time, damn! Have fun,” he adds with a wink and then locks and closes the door. Troye relaxes in relief and lies back down while Connor throws back the duvet.

“Do you think he knew I was here?!” He asks, eyes wide with concern.

“I don’t think so, he’s still pretty drunk.”

“What do we do now?” They quickly concoct a plan for Troye to get whoever is home to hang out on the balcony, giving way for Connor to leave and come back into the apartment inconspicuously. Troye’s only question is to what he should use as an excuse to get everyone’s attention, “That’s up to you, but I think you know what you should talk to them about,” says Connor. 

The weight of the situation then hits both of them in full force, and they don’t say it but all of a sudden they feel incredibly self-conscious sitting naked in front of each other. Without another word, they get up facing away from one another, and quietly begin to dress themselves. Troye finishes dressing first and turns back around to look around the room. Between the sight of rumpled sheets, slight scratch marks the headboard left on the wall, Tyler’s luggage, and the boy in front of him putting his pants back on, panic starts to build in Troye. His breathing elevates as he covers his mouth with both hands, trying his best to keep calm. When he’s fully dressed, Connor turns around and immediately notices Troye’s wild eyes.

“Troye?”

The younger boy puts his hands down, closing his eyes, trying his best to steady his breathing, “What did we just do?” Panic only rises up even more when Connor just stands there, also dumbfounded now that he too is taking it all in, “I’ve been single for like five hours or something and we just…I don’t...I’m not…,” Troye pauses to breathe as he stares at his feet, his thoughts running in too many directions, “I just lost Ryan...I don’t want - I don’t -”

Connor realizes after a moment that Troye’s afraid he could possibly lose Connor, too. Swiftly, he walks over to stand in front of Troye, “Hey, look at me,” Troye reluctantly lifts his chin, “You’re one of my best friends. That’s not going to change. This is... _crazy_. But we’ll figure it out.” Connor hesitantly wraps his arms around the other boy, Troye lets himself melt into the hug, his heart fluttering in his chest, “We’ll talk about the rest of it later, I promise.” Troye exhales a breath he’d been holding in and nods, choosing to believe him.

In the span of few hours he went from having a boyfriend, to being single, to getting tipsy, to sobering up, to having sex with one of his best friends. Twice. What the actual _fuck._ He slept with _Connor_ of all people. Connor who he could have sworn was straight. The more and more he thinks about it, the more confusing it becomes and the more afraid he is that he just completely screwed up. With one last look at Connor, he decides to go out and face the rest of his friends.

It takes a while, but Troye manages to get Tyler, Alfie, and Zoe all out on the balcony, giving Connor plenty of time to come back into the apartment unnoticed. Thankfully the group is still mostly drunk and doesn’t question where Connor has been or the fact that his story of checking on Troye and leaving again makes zero sense. Troye has to bite his tongue hard to keep a straight face while Connor fails to come up with a believable lie, he makes a note to give him grief about it later.

The night doesn’t end until about four, after plenty of discussion of the night’s events and of Troye’s relationship with Ryan. Connor notices that Troye avoids eye contact with him during the latter conversation. By the time he’s back in bed, Troye’s both physically and mentally exhausted and falls into in a deep sleep.

-

In the morning things are quiet. Connor is the first out of everyone to wake up, he had a bit of trouble falling asleep, a million thoughts refusing to let him rest. He takes advantage of the empty kitchen and makes himself a simple breakfast of black coffee and avocado on toast. He chews slowly, dreading the conversation he knows will happen later. When he told Troye that they would talk everything out, he mostly said it for Troye’s benefit and peace of mind. Truthfully, Connor has no idea where to go from here. He still can’t believe he hooked up with one of his best friends, before even properly coming out to him. He still can’t even believe he made the first move. What the hell got into him? 

He isn’t left to ponder very long, most of the house wakes up within half an hour of him and begin to make their own breakfast. Towards the end of breakfast Joe, Tanya, Jim, and Joey show back up. They put other people from the previous night on speaker phone and start to tally up who did what from the list.

Nearly everyone tried three new drinks, the best one being Joe having a Trash Can towards the end of the night which managed to knock him down on his butt. Tyler both danced with and kissed a stranger, while a sober Louis had a fun time dancing on multiple bars. Zoe got a phone number, much to Alfie’s dismay, and also did karaoke. Joey’s face turns pink at when he remembers he got convinced by a drunk Joe to moon an elderly couple. Tanya and Jim were the most tame of the night, yet were the ones to complete the steal something (an extremely drunk person’s hat) and get free drinks by flirting with the bartender. 

“Oi, did anyone get laid last night?” Joe asks reading down the list, just as Troye attempts a sip at his coffee, causing him to choke.

Troye has a little coughing fit before brushing it off, “Still really fucking hot.”

Everyone’s attention is reverted back to Joe when he says with a cheeky smile on his face, “Connor why is your face turning red?” All eyes turn to Connor, Troye’s heart beginning to pound in his chest, and indeed the color of Connor’s face is beginning to burn. “Connor did you get laid last night?” Joe continues, a laugh in his voice.

Tyler’s mouth is wide open in anticipation, he whispers lowly, “Wait, Con, did you actually sleep with someone last night?”

Connor manages to keep eye contact with Tyler for mere seconds before he covers his face to hide an embarrassed smile playing at his lips. He knows he’s lost and there’s no use in lying at this point, so he nods the smallest nod possible, causing the room to explode into a chorus of shocked gasps and ‘ _Oh my gods_ ’.

“No fucking way!” Tyler bursts into his loud laugh before whispering, “Who?” Connor just gives him a look, knowing that what Tyler is primarily wondering if he actually went out and picked up a random guy, something that is completely out of Connor’s character.

“HA!” Joe comes over next to Connor with a big smile on his face, thumping him on the back, “I never knew you had it in you, Connor.”

“ _OhmygodI’mgoingtogodienow_ ,” Connor mutters out, grabbing a coffee and rushing for the balcony. He hears a few ‘aw’s’ behind him, but misses Troye’s both painful and sympathetic look.

Just three seconds after he closes the balcony door behind him, it opens and shuts again, “Hey are you okay?” Tyler asks coming to stand in front of him, concern and amusement on his face.

“Yeah...I just didn’t expect that, you know. Last night was....crazy.”

“Clearly,” Tyler says with a laugh, “Are you okay though, you seem kind of upset?”

Connor is careful with his choice of words, “It’s just I don’t do that kind of thing, you know? I don’t randomly decide to hook up with someone like that.”

“You know having a one night stand doesn’t make you a slut, right?”

Connor’s stomach turns at Tyler unknowingly calling Troye his one night stand, “It just feels really weird.”

“So who was the lucky guy?” Tyler says with a smile.

“It’s not important.”

“Oh, come on, was it the guy at the bar?”

“No, no definitely not,” Connor says with a small chuckle, “That guy was intense,” and he’s not sure what possesses him to do it, maybe the fear that Tyler will think he’s going to start picking up random guys all the time now, but the words stumble out before he can reel them back, “It was a girl, actually.”

“What?” Tyler gasps.

“It’s not what you think!” Connor says quickly, “I’m not, like, going back further into the closet. I...I actually came out to Troye last night.” _Understatement of the year_ , he thinks.

Tyler shakes his head, “Wait, what? You banged some girl and came out to Troye both in the same night?”

Connor already regrets the lies, so he blames it on the only thing he can think of, “I got pretty drunk. I know it’s crazy, but it was just a bit of fun. No big deal, shit happens sometimes right?”

Tyler looks skeptical but slowly says, “Alright, if you say so. Just promise me you’re not having a crisis with being gay, again.”

“I promise, like I said, alcohol.”

Connor can tell that a lot of questions Tyler has are left up in the air, and he’s glad he keeps them to himself. He is a terrible liar and he knows it, he doesn’t want to complicate his story even more. The fact that Tyler had been very drunk the night before definitely works in his favor. The conversation draws to a close, to which Connor is very grateful, until he remembers he has an even more difficult one with Troye lined up for later.

-

Around noon Troye pulls Connor aside and tell hims that he’s ready for the conversation he promised, causing Connor’s blood pressure to spike. Nonetheless, he feigns calmness and gets them a cab to drive them out to the Brighton Pier to talk in private. They grab food, both chicken wraps with chips and water, and grab a table by the waterfront. They eat in silence, taking in the thick sea air and the sounds of the waves tumbling next to them.

Every now and then green eyes and blue eyes make contact, but they swiftly look away, uncomfortable. Troye ends up being the one to snap, “Look. I don’t know how to have this conversation with you. I don’t even know how what happened yesterday even happened. It’s not like we were piss drunk. Yesterday you were my-straight-best-friend-Connor. Today you’re my-probably-gay-or-at-least-bi-friend-who-I-slept-with-as-a-distraction-even-though-that’s-a-shitty-thing-to-do-Connor. And the last thing I want is for things to get weird but it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and shit is already fucking weird and -”

Connor puts up both hands in the air, “Whoa, whoa, Troye, slow down, you’re going like a hundred miles an hour.” Troye instantly halts his onslaught of word vomit. Connor takes a moment to ponder everything and slowly begins, “I’m...I’m...I just. I don’t know. I didn’t ever expect something like that to happen between us.” Connor looks so unsure of himself, taking long pauses between sentences, “I don’t know what came over me when I kissed you. I...I just couldn’t stand it.”

“Stand what?” Troye’s heart drops into his stomach.

“Listening to you talk about yourself like that. I swear I didn’t even think, it just happened. Not that it’s an excuse and I’m sorry I was out of line. I hope I didn’t do something to make you feel -”

“Con, last night was completely consensual, I didn’t feel taken advantage of, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Troye sees Connor visibly relax in, “And I’m sorry, too. You’re my one of my best friends and I feel like shit ‘cause I kind of used you last night.”

Connor shakes his head, his mind feeling muddy with how their words’ are failing to clear everything up, “Okay, so let’s just put all the cards on the table, so to speak,” Troye just nods, “Last night, I’m not sure what led me to, but I kissed you and it led to other stuff. I was worried that you could have thought it was me trying to take advantage of you, but you don’t think or feel that way?”

“Right,” Troye nods again.

“And then for whatever reason, you also wanted to do other stuff,” Troye rolls his eyes at Connor’s sudden inability to say the word ‘sex’, “And then you were afraid that you used me, I guess, as a distraction or whatever. I don’t know how I feel about everything but I know I don’t feel used.”

Troye perks up a bit, “You don’t?”

“No, I don’t.” And this surprises Connor, truth be told in most circumstances he would have but for that unknown reason neither of the boys can figure out, he’s okay with it. It surprises him even more that, albeit uncomfortable, talking everything out is going smoother than he had imagined, “So we should be good, right? Things can go back to normal.”

“The only thing...between seriously thinking you were straight, to everything we did, to everything with Ryan...it’s a lot of shit to handle all at once.”

“It was just a spur of the moment thing. Maybe...maybe we should just let it be? You know, a one time thing or whatever between friends,” Connor says, hoping this can give Troye the way out of this particular mess.

“It was twice, technically.”

“Right.” 

Troye shakes his head, forcing himself to chuckle, “Whatever, we’re just friends with an appreciation for each others bodies' now. It’s cool. We cool...right?”

Connor clenches his jaw, completely unsure of where to go from here. A different consensus doesn’t come so he abruptly agrees, “Yeah. Yeah. It can totally be just that.” He tentatively puts his hand up. Troye both furrows his eyebrows and lets out confused chuckle as he high-fives Connor. The fucking dork.

“Connor, one last question,” Troye says.

“What’s that?”

In the most serious tone he can muster, Troye asks, “Are you, like, gay?”

There’s a pause and then they are laughing so hard their faces hurt. 

“Yes, I’m, like, gay.”

-

The rest of the day goes by somewhat smoothly. All the other Youtubers that aren’t staying at the apartment come back to join everyone for an afternoon out.

While every goes to a park to hang out and have an impromptu photoshoot, Troye stays behind again insisting he needs space. His mood fluctuates from angry to sad, but it’s when he starts to feel numb, after crying for an hour, that he gets Tyler to come back for him at the apartment.

Troye is grateful that now, even though he has a hard time looking at Connor without picturing him naked, the older boy puts in the utmost effort to normalize things between them.

At the park Connor makes sure to have conversations with everyone, keeping a subtle distance from Troye. He makes sure there is an appropriate amount of space between them when they get in a cab to go to dinner. At dinner he sits a couple of seats down from Troye, rather than sitting next to him like usual. Troye understands that he’s not trying to avoid him, that it’s quite the opposite, he’s trying to be normal. But he’s failing miserably and driving Troye mad.

When Troye asks if wants to go get smoothies, Connor thinks he’s doing the right thing by suggesting he go with Tyler instead. When Troye asks to borrow his jacket because he’s cold, Connor thinks it’s okay because he doesn’t consider the effect of seeing Troye in his clothes will have on him.

But even Troye has to admit to himself that even he is having a hard time acting completely normal. He has to remind himself to not stare at Connor’s hips anytime his shirt rides up. He has to constantly remind himself to pay attention to what is going on around him when he zones out to replay the previous night's events in his head. Mostly, he has to ignore the unexpected urge to put his hands on Connor any time he’s too close.

The day ends with both boys dancing around each other, trying to give each other space, but somehow being next to each other constantly, as if they now realize a magnetic pull between them that they hadn’t been aware of before.

-

The next morning Alfie and Zoe take off to visit family and friends they won’t be seeing for a long time. Troye gives Zoe a big hug, encouragingly, seeing as her face is sad with the goodbyes to come that day.

Tyler, on the other hand, has a bunch of collabs planned for the day and takes off before any of them even leave bed.

As soon as Troye closes the door behind Alfie, he gets butterflies in his stomach. He shakes his head, wondering why, he has spent plenty of alone time with Connor before; this shouldn’t be any different.

He makes a point to make several plans to keep their day busy, however the Brighton weather doesn’t agree with their plans. It begins to pour as soon as they are ready to go out to explore Brighton. Checking the weather they see it’s supposed to pour all day and reluctantly, they decide to make it a day in.

Connor is actually happy to have a chill day, after being on go for the past four days, it’s a nice change of pace. The silence between him and Troye is thick, but he does his best to ignore it.

A random movie plays in the background, Connor’s the only one actually paying attention while Troye is on his phone. This was a bad idea from the start, Troye knew that, but he can’t help himself as he reads through his and Ryan’s old texts. Reading through them causes a small knot to form in Troye’s throat and as much as he wants to, he can’t convince himself to put the phone down. He becomes visibly upset and when Connor turns to look at him, he notices.

Connor sees the phone in his hands and snatches it without warning, “What are you doing?”

Troye snaps out of the trance he’d been in, “Give me my phone back.”

“No,” Connor states bluntly when he sees what he’d been reading, “What is this doing for you?”

“Just give it back,” Troye replies tiredly as he grabs for his phone but Connor pulls it out of his reach.

“Tell me what good this is doing for you and I will.”

He sighs deeply and runs a hand over his face, “I can’t stop thinking about him, everything reminds me of him...I don’t know. It just gets my mind off the shit right now, in a way”

“It doesn’t seem like it,” Connor says softly.

“It does.”

“How?!” 

“I don’t know!” Troye says frustrated, “I don’t know. I just want to not feel like shit. That’s all.”

Connor bites the inside of his cheek as he puts the phone on the end table and then moves closer to Troye, “Come’mere,” he says putting his arms out. Troye scooches closer, causing their knees to clang awkwardly, and let’s himself be enveloped by the older boy. He rests his chin on Connor’s shoulder and closes his eyes, breathing softly, his chest lightly pushing against Connor’s. 

They’ve hugged hundreds of times before, and yet this is the first time Troye consciously takes in Connor’s scent. He smells fresh, like crisp air, but there’s a warmness and sweetness to him as well; Troye finds it slightly intoxicating. His arms are wrapped around Connor’s slim waist; hands rest on hips. When he feels Connor’s breath by his ear, he suppresses a deep sigh and a sudden urge to drink in Connor’s scent, instead he lets a couple of his fingers slip up underneath the older boy’s shirt. He draws small patterns on the soft skin on his hip, earning a small intake of breath. His skin is so soft and Troye’s fingers quickly itch to touch more, so he slips his hand up, beginning to rub and down his back, arms tightening around each other and breathing becoming heavier.

Troye almost pushes the white t-shirt Connor is wearing completely up his back when the green eyed boy pulls away. They look at one another in the eye for a few moments before Connor moves to place kisses on Troye’s collarbone and whispers, “Does this make you think of him?”

Troye’s pulse picks up,“No.”

“What about this?” He pulls the fabric of Troye’s t-shirt so he can leave a trail of warm kisses on bare skin from his shoulder to the crook of his neck. Connor stops to breathe softly onto Troye’s neck, inducing shivers throughout his body. He sucks on his neck tenderly before teasingly taking his earlobe in between his teeth.

“No,” Troye breathes shakily.

Connor pulls away slightly, enough for their eyes to meet again, “And this?” He brings their lips together, delicately. His fingertips trail lightly from Troye’s hand, up his arm, to his neck. Troye nearly groans, Connor would be one to get him riled up only to kiss him in such a chaste manner. The younger boy gets impatient and takes the initiative to deepen the kiss by prying Connor’s mouth open with his own, slipping his tongue into Connor’s mouth. The small moan this earns Troye goes directly to his dick, sending shivers up and down his spine. The kiss turns fearless, hands grasping at shirts, before Connor slows it back down, pulling away, looking at Troye expectantly.

“No, that definitely doesn’t make me think of him,” he whispers.

“Good,” Connor says with a shy smile, promptly resuming the kiss and letting it intensify faster this time. When he thinks his mind might burst with desire, he pulls back, breathless “Shit...we shouldn’t be doing this. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have -”

Troye knows the logical response is to agree, instead he shakes his head, “Connor, just shut up.” He pushes Connor back on the couch, climbing on top of him, and hands rapidly become grabby.

They end up on the floor, touching everywhere, and refusing to think of anything else except of the sensations their hands’ and mouths’ elicit.

When they’re done, Troye doesn’t feel relaxed, he feels wired; nearly inebriated. He realizes he wants more and from the look in Connor’s eyes when their friends’ come back, interrupting their lazy day, he does, too.

-

In the late afternoon Troye accompanies Tyler to get coffee while he begins to edit footage from the day. They make small talk about plans for the rest of the week, mostly sitting in a comfortable silence for the majority of the time, until Troye starts to fidget with his phone. He can’t help it. It takes about twenty minutes of Troye just sitting there going through his old messages with Ryan for him to feel agitated.

Tyler glances up from his laptop and notices Troye’s frown and glassy eyes. Tyler takes off his headphones and closes his laptop, “Is he texting you?”

Troye looks up from his phone, moving his hand from his mouth, “No.”

“What going on then? You look upset,” he also notices that Troye’s feet don’t stop moving under the table, “Troye?”

Troye puts his phone down, taking a second to rub his eyes, “It’s nothing, I’m just an idiot.”

“I’m still waiting for an answer.”

“I was reading our old texts.”

“Oh.” Normally Tyler would scold him, telling him he should know better, but he also understands where Troye is coming from, too. He’s had his own fair share of difficult break ups, “Maybe you should turn your phone off for a while?”

“Um...actually. Can you do me a huge favor?”

“Yeah, of course! What can I do? Want me to fly to Perth and cut a bitch?” Tyler makes a fist, feigning to hold a knife.

“Tyler, please,” Troye merely rolls his eyes, “As if.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?! I could hurt someone. I’m a jock,” Tyler’s voice cracks as he speaks, causing Troye to roll his eyes yet again.

“Yeah, okay, Ty. Whatever you say.”

“This isn’t how your ask friends for help, Troye Sivan.”

He chuckles lightly, “Yeah...yeah.”

“So what is it?”

“Could you...I need you to erase all of my messages with Ryan. And delete our pictures together. And delete him from all my social media.”

Tyler’s eyes go wide, “Babe, isn’t that kind of extreme? I mean, it’s only been a couple of days. You haven’t even had the chance to talk face to face about everything.”

“When we leave here, I’m going to be in L.A. for at least a month. With everything going on with music, I need to have my phone on me. You know talking over Skype is never the same, I can’t spend a month obsessing over him via social media. I can’t. Better to cut contact off now, there’s no use in waiting. It’s not going to change anything.”

Tyler had already prepared a rebuttal before considering that Troye didn’t know exactly when he would be back in Perth to even see Ryan, “Oh...that actually makes sense...but everything? Are you sure?”

“I’ve tried to do it myself, but I keep talking myself out of it.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t do it?”

“He dumped me, Ty,” Tyler’s mouth falls open, he had left out that detail during the conversation on the balcony, “I don’t want to be that sad kid who ends up asking a cheater to please take him back.” _Again_ , he thinks.

He can read in his eyes that there’s a lot Tyler wants to say, but whatever it is, he keeps to himself. They switch laptops, Troye puts on a funny video playlist on Youtube, and Tyler gets to work on Troye’s phone. He deletes all the texts, unfollows Ryan on Instagram, Twitter, and even Vine. He decides to block Ryan on Facebook, rather than just deleting, ensuring that Troye doesn’t have to see him in any mutual friend’s tagged posts. 

The last thing left to do is the lengthiest: the pictures. Troye literally has thousands in his Camera Roll. It takes Tyler a good chunk of time to sift through all of the photos to get every picture of Ryan off his phone, but it’s done. What Tyler doesn’t tell Troye is that he makes a hidden folder online to back up all the photos of Ryan, in case one day in the future he regrets the decision.

“What about his phone number?”

Troye pauses his current video, a random cat one, and with a finality in his tone, he says, “Delete it.”

And Tyler does.

-

The group finally reunites around ten and begin to prepare for a movie night. Connor is out in the kitchen with Zoe, making popcorn and other snacks for them to enjoy during the movie. Alfie and Tyler had quickly popped out to buy the ingredients needed to make margaritas and brownies, they would soon be back and the first movie would start.

Connor is just about to settle on the couch when he hears Troye shout for him from the guest bathroom, located in the corridor heading toward the master bedroom. He rounds the corner to the bathroom, “Hey, did you forget a towel -” Connor almost screeches when Troye yanks him into the bathroom, shuts the door, and then pushes him against it. He’s fully dressed and doesn’t skip a beat, pressing his mouth hard onto Connor’s. He responds automatically, letting his hands fall to Troye’s ass to both squeeze and push their hips together.

“Think we have enough time before anyone notices we’re in here?” Troye asks, keeping his forehead against Connor’s.

“Troye,” Connor gasps his head spinning, eyes wide at what he’s implying. Thinking he needs more convincing, Troye peppers kisses all over Connor’s neck and throat, “Wait, wait...I’m not sure continuing to do this is a good idea -”

“Connor, stop trying to be a gentleman,” Troye snaps taking him into another mind-blowing kiss.

“But -”

Troye stops to look at Connor, rolling his hips forward causing the other boy’s hips to jerk, “How about we make a rule.”

“A rule?”

“We’re in Brighton for the rest of the week. And we probably won’t be back here for a long time. Let’s enjoy the rest of the week,” his hand slides down to the front of Connor’s jeans, rubbing up and down slowly, “However we want,” he squeezes, “Whenever want,” he presses hot kisses all over Connor’s clothed chest, “However many times we want.”

Connor’s can barely speak, “And what’s the actual rule?”

“When we get back to L.A., we go back to normal. What happens here, stays here.”

He can practically hear the questions floating around in Connor’s mind, but to his surprise, yet again, Connor just says, “Okay.”

“Oh, thank god,” Troye blurts out, his body already filled with desire.

And the meet in the middle for a hungry kiss, hands moving to remove clothes as quickly as possible.

-

The rest of the week flies by. The group changes depending on everyone’s schedule, the only exception being Connor and Troye. Suddenly they have amplified the amount of time they spend together times ten, anyone that notices just assumes that Connor is just being there for Troye. And in a way, that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s there when Troye wakes up feeling frisky in the middle of the night, he’s there when Troye wants to sneak off to frolic somewhere, he’s there when Troye just can’t keep his hands to himself.

They never kiss just to kiss or hold hands or hold each other after they’ve gotten each other off, but they laugh at the high they feel every time, relishing in the fact that none of their friends notice or catch them. It’s their little secret and they’re constantly exhilarated.

The last night before they are to fly out to L.A., they have sex one last time, Connor catching onto Troye’s desperation this time, as if he’s afraid what the week ending will mean for him. Connor understands it means that Troye won’t have Connor as a distraction anymore, he’ll have to put his energy and focus into something else.

So as they are on the guest bedroom floor one last time, he kisses Troye slowly for a change. His touches are sweeter, softer, more intentional, and Troye is completely wasted underneath him, struggling to keep quiet.

When it’s said and done, Connor gives him one last sweet kiss, hating Troye’s completely downcast demeanor. He hates more that he can’t bring himself to ask the exact reason why he’s acting that way.

-

At the airport the next morning, Troye, Connor, and Tyler all wait at their gate together. Zoe and Alfie will fly out within the next couple of days. If Tyler notices any weirdness between Troye and Connor, he doesn’t say.

They board around noon and settle into an eight hour flight to New York. Tyler sits between the other two, napping the first couple of hours until he wakes up with his bladder about to burst. While Tyler waits in a long line the back of the plane for the restroom, Troye takes the opportunity to talk to Connor privately about what he’s been thinking about for the last two hours.

“Hey Con,” he taps his shoulder.

Connor takes off his headphones, “What’s up.”

“I was just kind of thinking about everything. And I really wanted to say thank you,” Troye says lowly, cracking his knuckles.

Connor furrows his eyebrows, “For what?”

“For just being there for me. It wasn’t the most... _conventional_ way of being there for me,” Connor smiles, watching Troye struggle with what he’s trying to articulate, “But I don’t know...you helped me feel not so shitty. And I, like, appreciate that.”

Connor just nods for a minute before saying with a smirk, “So what you’re basically saying is, ‘thank you for all the awesome sex’.”

Troye slaps his hands to his face, sinking into his seat, “ _Oh my god_.”

The older boy laughs loudly, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m glad I could...help.”

And this time they both laugh hard, mostly at the complete awkwardness of the situation.

“It meant a lot to me in a way. I don't know. Is that weird? That's probably weird,” Troye tries again, failing miserably, “It’s not that your dick meant a lot to me, specifically, I just…,” Connor’s eyebrows shoot up as a million inappropriate comments fly through his mind, “Oh my god, I'm going to stop talking now, it meant a lot to me. Mostly because you're really fucking hot.”

The laughter stops at Troye’s last comment, Connor just looks at him in a way that Troye can’t read. But he doesn’t miss the subtle charge between them and he definitely doesn’t miss how Connor’s face turns red, failing to keep the small smile off his face.

Tyler comes back to sit between them, but the little charge doesn’t dissipate, it just gets swept under the rug, hidden away.

-

Once they get to L.A. Troye goes full force into his music, spending countless of hours in the studio. His living situation is a mess, it consists of bouncing around from the studio to his Airbnb to Tyler’s couch, to the O2L house. He’s only crashed at the O2L house once, the tension between him and Connor still a little too much to handle when he’s emotionally spent from working long hours at the studio.

During his time off he hangs out with a number of people, mainly Tyler and Connor. Things are closer to normal when it’s the three of them, and spending time with Connor is less awkward when it’s in public or around other people.

Regardless of the weirdness, they both put in extra effort to get things back to how they used to be, but Troye realizes it’s just not anymore. He realizes this when he enthusiastically tells Connor about how much he’s enjoying his time in the studio, but leaves out details like the fact that sometimes he has to stop to have a cry about a particular lyric that reminds him of Ryan. He’s not sure as to why, Connor continuously encourages him to talk about the break up and is seemingly okay with that Ryan is still a subject in Troye’s life. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Troye hates that.

He hates even more how often his thoughts lead to Connor as well. How often his finds himself writing about something that screams CONNOR in the studio, he nearly feels like he’s going mad with two people floating around his brain.

Connor, on the other hand, is seemingly okay. The first week back in L.A. had been pretty bad, his irrational emotions playing everywhere, so much that his friends had noticed, including Troye. Yet after a couple of days where he disappeared to go on an impromptu hiking trip, he came back as if nothing had been bothering him in the first place. The moments of palpable tension between them didn’t stop by any means, but Connor seemed to be be able to handle them a lot better. It was driving Troye slightly insane to not know what had changed.

-

It’s the beginning of Troye’s last week in L.A. and he’s over at the O2L house bright and early at seven when the only one awake is Connor. He’s promised Troye a week of adventures everyday until he leaves to go home to Perth. For the time being, he’s done recording in L.A. and while he’s dreading the impending confrontation with Ryan, he’s completely ready to see his family after a long time away from them.

The morning is calm but Troye is flowing with energy after a good night’s rest and curiosity from wondering what Connor has planned for the first day of Week of Adventures with Connor and Troye.

It’s nearly time to head out when Connor starts pacing in the living room while he’s on the phone, “They want how many chapters already by when? But that’s so soon! They can’t possibly think I can manage that much in such a short amount of time…,” he smiles tightly at Troye who has gone into the kitchen and started to make a pot of coffee, “Okay but do they understand that I’ve barely just started...”

Troye watches closely as Connor’s body gets more and more tense, shoulders hunching, pacing stiffly, brows are furrowed, and when he’s listening his mouth sets to into a hard line.

“I’ll try my best but I can’t make any promises...are you sure they can’t extend the deadline? Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, bye.” Connor tosses his phone onto the couch, rubbings his eyes.

The coffee maker goes off and Troye ignores it to go stand behind Connor with his arms wrapped around his waist, his chin perched on Connor’s left shoulder. Troye doesn’t say anything, just stands there soothingly holding the older boy. Connor responds by putting his hands on Troye’s forearms and leaning as much as he can into his touch, trying his best to ignore Troye’s soft breath on his neck. 

Troye knows he shouldn’t, that they had agreed to the rule, but this is the first time they’ve made significant physical contact since being in L.A., and he just can’t help himself. The light breathing turns into gentle humming while Troye nuzzles his face on the back of Connor’s neck and tightens his grip on him. His hands slowly start to move up and down the front of Connor’s body and he instantly feels the effect this motion has. Connor’s chest begins to rise and fall rapidly as soft teasing kisses are pressed all over his neck and shoulders. Troye smirks, realizing that he’s learned a couple of Connor’s weak spots.

“Okay, I have question,” Connor turns around to face Troye and puts his hands onto his shoulders.

“What’s that?” Troye wraps his arms back around Connor’s waist.

“Does the L.A. Rule still apply if we’re technically still on Brighton time?”

Troye ignores that the question doesn’t make any sense now that they have been back for three weeks, and slowly, teasingly replies, “ _Technically_...no.”

“Oh thank god,” and Connor kisses him immediately, sweetly, and thankfully Troye kisses back just as eagerly, finally getting to soothe the ache for more they had been feeling since they had landed in L.A..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this is so messy and LONG and I'm sorry. I keep having to make a lot of the scenes either shorter or vague because if I don't 1). Chapters will be crazy long 2). I'll never finish this fic. Thank you for all the kudos and feedback! Please continue with that, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how it's going so far. :)


	3. Checklist

Being at airports always has a distinct feeling for Troye. It can be exciting, with endless possibilities, the world at his fingertips in the form of his passport. Or it can be a drag at the thought of being stuck in a metal tube for hours and hours. Today it’s a bit of both, and although it feels like he’s leaving something important behind in L.A., he’s already dreaming of the moment the plane lands in Perth. He’s beyond ready to go home.

During the flight there is so much time to think, so much more than he has had in the last few weeks. One of the first things that dwells in his mind for a large duration of the flight is one of the first conversations he had with Tyler when they had initially gotten back to L.A.. Troye had been struggling with having zero contact with Ryan while dealing with the aftermath of everything that had happened with Connor in Brighton, he had felt almost as if he was drowning in unresolved emotions. Thankfully he had Tyler to talk him down one night after going off on a rant in the middle of recording at the studio. What Tyler had said that night completely stuck with Troye and he had been itching to talk to Ryan about it, but now that he actually has the opportunity for it to happen he isn’t so sure he wants to go through with it anymore. 

There is a short layover in Sydney before getting on his connecting flight to Perth. While at the airport in Sydney he buys himself an energy drink to help him stay awake now that he’s crossed over to a completely different time zone; he can already start to feel jet lag start to take its effect. 

Twelve hours on the first flight was plenty for Troye to realize how unbelievably cluttered his mind is, so he makes a plan, a check off list of sorts, to declutter everything once he’s home. Not everyone close to him is aware of what happened with Ryan. His life has become a puzzle with parts scattered everywhere due to poor communication on his part and landing in Australia makes him feel ready to put all the pieces back to where they belong.

Once in Perth, his parents come on their own to pick him up from the airport. He hugs his mum first, tightly, letting the relief of being home wash over him like a cool breeze in the middle of summer. When it’s Shaun’s turn, he’s engulfed in strong arms and he’s never felt more protected and safe. He’s home.

-

The rest of the day Troye dedicates to unpacking and staying awake long enough for him to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. He’s happy he stayed completely awake while traveling, because once he finally allows himself to hit the sheets, he’s asleep within minutes.

The next morning he wakes to soft sunlight filtering through his window blinds, the familiar sounds and smells of home welcoming him. He stays staring at his windows, realizing it’s the most quiet he’s had in months. Rubbing his eyes, he can already hear Jagga rustling about and someone moving around in the kitchen, the sound of plates clicking together. A full twenty minutes pass before he talks himself into going upstairs for breakfast and he’s slightly disappointed to see the only one at the table is Laurelle.

“Don’t look so excited to see me, Tokki.”

“Sorry,” Troye says with a small smile, “Where is everyone?”

“Dad had to work early today. Tyde and Sage had plans with friends this morning. They were going to invite you but I told them not to wake you.”

“Thanks, Mum.” He takes a seat across the table from Laurelle, happily taking a fresh cup of coffee she’s made for him.

“You’re welcome, love,” Laurelle says with the warmest smile. They sip their coffee in silence, Laurelle flipping through a random photo album in front of her. But Troye knows his mother well and as expected she asks, “How are you, really?”

“Bit early for serious shi - stuff. Don’t you think?” Troye’s voice croaks, as if backing him up that it’s too early for him to form sentences. 

“Is there a better time where it won’t be as difficult?” Laurelle asks patiently, “Come on, I’m your Mum. I feel like I barely know what’s been going on with you these past couple of months, that’s not like us at all.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. Same reason things with Ryan went to shit -”

“Troye!”

“Shit, sorry, shit!” Troye rubs his temples, looking at his mum apologetically. Not swearing so much when he’s home always takes some getting used to.

“So do you want to tell me more about what happened with Ryan? I still can’t believe you waited nearly two weeks to tell me and Dad you’d broken up.”

From there Troye tosses an obscenely mixed bag of emotions to Laurelle. He tells her that he only kept it to himself because he didn’t know what to make of it from thousands of miles away. He tells her that it’s probably one of the worst things he’s ever felt, it makes him sick to his stomach to know someone he trusted so well betrayed him. He doesn’t mention Connor’s name, but he tells her how he made an even bigger mess with another boy and he still doesn’t know what to make of it. Mostly, he tells her how small he’s felt lately, how trust is not a concept he has a firm grip on anymore, and how hard writing and singing about it all has been.

“I know this feels like the world right now, Tokki. I know it must feel like everything, but it’s not my love.”

She reminds him of his talent, that his worth isn’t based on a relationship, no matter how important it was to him. She tells him that Ryan was wrong, but that Troye can learn from his own mistakes as well. She advises him to put his energy into his music, since soon he’ll be flying to record in Sydney. Most importantly, to Troye, she gives him hope. Hope that not all relationships go to shit, that forgiveness is real, and so is healing.

After his long conversation with Laurelle, Troye feels significantly lighter. Later that day he has an equally long conversation with Shaun and more than ever he’s so glad to have parents he can be candid with. 

It’s the early evening and Troye’s already checked off a few things and people from his list. He still needs to speak with Kayla, but since he’s kept better contact with her he decides to put that off and go with the most difficult one. Reluctantly, he knocks on Sage’s bedroom door.

“Come in,” she calls absentmindedly from her bed. He walks in and takes a seat on her computer chair, “What’s up?”

“I need Ryan’s number.”

Sage looks up from the magazine she’s currently reading, furrowing her eyebrows, “What, you deleted it?”

Troye puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket, looking anywhere but Sage, “Yeah.”

“But he’s your boyfriend,” Sage sits up now, her attention fully on Troye.

“Actually,” he swallows thickly, a part of him surprised at the smallest knot that still forms when he has to tell people this, “He hasn’t been my boyfriend since the day I got to Brighton.”

“What?!” Sage gasps softly, “Why didn’t you tell me? Do Mum and Dad know?”

“Yeah, I told them when I was still in L.A., they weren’t exactly happy that I waited nearly two weeks to tell them, either. I just needed to think,” he takes a pause to let that bit sink in, and continues, “I had Ty delete everything of his on my phone, I haven’t been in contact with him since I left Brighton,” Troye stops to take _that_ in himself, it had really been only about a month and a half, yet it felt like several months had gone by, “Anyway, I want to speak to him, but I don’t want to just show up at his house.”

“I can’t believe you guys broke up...you were together nine months,” Sage says, innocence emitting from her voice. She made it sound as if nine months was an eternity, “Are you okay?”

“I’m better now. Bit of a mess in Brighton and L.A., but...anyway, can you?” He hands his phone over to his sister, and she takes it. Grabbing her own phone, she pulls up Ryan’s contact and plugs it into Troye’s phone.

“I could have just text it to you,” she says as an afterthought, handing the phone back to him.

“I’m going to call him right now.” Sage nods, taking one of Troye’s hands as he comes over to sit next to her. The phone rings and rings but no answer, “Shit.” 

“Maybe later?” But Troye’s phone then rings and his heart plummets into his stomach when he sees Ryan is calling him back. Sage squeezes his hand tightly, “Answer it.”

With a shaky hand, he accepts the call and puts the phone to his ear, “Hello.”

“Troye?”

Troye wasn’t sure what he had expected to feel when he finally heard Ryan’s voice again, but sudden nerves of steel an unfound confidence wasn’t it, “Yeah, it’s me.”

There’s a long pause before Ryan stutters out, “O-oh my god...how are you? Where are you?”

“I’m in Perth.”

“ _Oh._ ”

“Yeah, it’s time.”

-

_Troye kisses Connor urgently, accidentally causing his head hit the headboard harshly, “Ow!”_

_“Shit, sorry,” Troye breathes in between their lips’. He slips his mouth to Connor’s jaw and then to the crook of his neck, easily settling next to Connor’s side. Together they pull up the duvet to their waists and as if reading each other's minds, they simultaneously pull off their boxers underneath the covers._

_With both excited and awkward smiles, they face each other, Troye muttering, “We’re going to see each other naaaaked,” he draws out the last word causing Connor to giggle with nerves._

_“Yeah we are,” Connor’s face a deep red now that they’ve hit this point, “You first.”_

_“What? Why?!” Troye says, his grin so wide it hurts._

_“Because I’m older and I said so.”_

_“Oh fuck off,” Troye rolls his eyes and without warning lifts the duvet only enough for him to see Connor. He stares for a good ten seconds before swiftly covering Connor back up, his eyebrows shooting up and a tight lipped smile stretching across his face._

_Slowly, Connor follows suit and Troye swears he looks twice as long as Troye did before gently putting the duvet back down. They stare at each other for several seconds, then in unison lift the covers with both arms, to look each other other at the same time. Connor moves his feet side to side while Troye keeps bending and unbending his knees. Connor clears his throats as they put the covers back down, “No complaints here.”_

_“Nope, nope, nope,” Troye fervently agrees, lying down and getting Connor to do the same. He kisses the older boy, his body half on top of his. Hesitantly, he moves in between Connor’s thighs, whispering out, “Oh my god!”_

_“What?”_

_“We’re...touching,” Troye says as he fights back nervous glee._

_Connor doesn’t bother, laughing loudly, “That was the general idea.” But then the older boy wraps his hand around the head of Troye’s cock, it’s suddenly no laughing matter._

*

Troye sits in a remote area in the small cafe he’s agreed to meet Ryan. The atmosphere is warm, the scent of coffee wafting through the air, and lights twinkling all around. Somewhere in the distance an indie record plays, the entire shop very easily bringing one specific person to mind. With one elbow propped on the tiny wooden table, he rests his face on his palm, a very dopey smile playing at his lips as he stares off into space.

“Troye?”

Troye’s eyes swiveled upwards to meet Ryan’s green ones. He shakes his head, the smile falling off his face when he realizes he’s been fantasizing about a different set of green eyes for the past twenty minutes. 

“Hey,” Troye responds, blinking several times to push away all the previous images that had been occupying his mind. He notices Ryan’s eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a question in his eyes; Troye’s never been the kind to sit smiling to himself while staring off into nothing, it’s always been a look devoid of all emotion.

Ryan takes a seat across from Troye, clearly uncomfortable now that they are face to face. Troye finally looks down at the two menus that are laid out on the table, “How’s the tea here?”

If he’s honest with himself, Troye is having entirely too much fun watching Ryan squirm. A long silence stretches between them, only ending when they both order. They get their drinks within minutes, Troye blowing at his tea softly, sipping meekly with no intention of starting the conversation. Ryan takes a while to catch on, half of his coffee gone before he finally says anything.

“So how have you been?” Ryan asks hesitantly, his body completely tense, as if he expects Troye to swing at him or shout at him at any given second.

“That’s how you’re going to start?” Troye replies, taking a longer sip.

“I don’t know exactly what to say.” Ryan keeps playing with his napkin, folding and unfolding it. 

Any other time Troye would’ve taken pity on him, but he can feel anger and frustration starting to creep back up on him, “I want to know everything.”

“Troye.”

“Tell me.”

Ryan lets out a hefty breath, running a hand down his face. He begins gradually, “His name is Matthew. We’ve been friends for a while...it wasn’t supposed to happen. But we got drunk one night and I missed you and -”

“You missed me so much you put your dick in another guy?” Troye snaps, but he sees Ryan’s non-defensive eyes and quickly says, “Nevermind, continue.”

“I felt like shit after. I wanted to tell you and hoped we could work it out, but it literally took me two days before I could even get in contact with you. And then I was pissed at you because I hadn’t heard from you in like...three days? Maybe.”

“So that makes it okay?!” Troye snaps again, shutting his eyes so he can hold his tongue better.

“No! I’m just telling you what happened.” Ryan’s voice is weak and small, almost timid. As if he’s afraid Troye will explode on him like he had back in Brighton. Troye knows he’s the one who asked, but he didn’t realize how difficult it would be to hear all of that information.

“Matthew started texting me and I told him about how much I missed you and wished you were here. He offered to hang out so I went over to his place and one thing lead to another. After that it just kept happening. He would invite me over and things would get....you know. I felt like a right dick about it but I couldn’t stop myself either. But between those three months you were only here about a month? And not even consecutively...it just made it so hard to work up the nerve to tell you the truth. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

“Are you with him?”

“It was never about wanting to be with him. I was just lonely. Shit, trust me, if I could take it all back I would. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You have every cliche written in the book memorized, don’t you?” Troye knows he’s spitting fire, however not knowing is so much worse when his imagination has been running wild for the past month.

Ryan’s face falls slightly, but he doesn’t retaliate. He knows he deserves it. They finish their drinks in silence. Troye works on calming what feels like butterflies stuck in glue in his stomach. He’s not sure if he feels better or worse after being told how everything happened. He’s not even sure if he cares, for that matter.

They order more tea and coffee and Troye finally does what he’s been wanting to do for weeks: he calls out Ryan on his manipulation the night they broke up. He tells him every ugly, gritty detail about how pathetic and guilty he had made Troye feel that night. To his relief, it actually helps to tell him everything. As much as it bothers him at first, Troye accepts that Ryan is genuinely sorry and additionally he readily accepts how quickly his anger begins to dissipate. No matter how flawed and hurtful his actions were, Ryan was still one of his childhood best friends who he loved, letting go of the anger was much more freeing than holding onto it.

-

After a couple of long weeks in Perth, Troye leaves to Sydney to meet up with Alex and a few others to work on music. His time at home hasn’t been as restful as it usually is, mostly because he’s constantly working on his checklist, crossing the T’s and dotting the I’s. It’s an exhausting process, but a necessary one. If anything, he’s learning the importance of complete and transparent honesty, no matter how uncomfortable or difficult. 

He’s spent small chunks of time with Ryan here and there, happily remembering why they’ve been friends since the age of four. They don’t talk about their relationship and it’s allowed some room for them to begin to rebuild their friendship. They spend time playing video games, go for a swims, Troye even talks to him a little about the EP. Before he realizes it, they are joking around again. Inside jokes are woven into their conversations again and it’s as almost as if the past couple of months never happened. Almost.

In cafes they spend time catching up on parts of their lives’ that didn’t involve their relationship. One day they are out with the Mellets for dinner and bump into a couple of fans who insist on a group picture. The waitress serving them takes the picture, while Troye tries not to worry about a certain boy on the other side of the world somehow coming across that photo.

It’s not until a day in Sydney when Troye realizes that there’s been a massive shift in how he perceives Ryan. There have been a few flirty texts here and there, most of which Troye ignored; they had always had a semi-playful friendship. He had been missing his friend Ryan. The one he would go on random midnight adventures with, the one he would talk to about boys, the one whom had at one point made plans to travel the world with him. So when Troye invites him to come to Sydney for a couple of days, he doesn’t miss a beat.

They’d just gone to lunch together, walking back into the studio when Ryan takes Troye’s phone from him and runs for it. Troye laughs and runs after him, it’s something they’d done since they were kids. Anytime something had their attention over the other person, they’d grab it and run for it. When they had been four it had been teddy bears, when they were ten it had been playing cards, when they had been teenagers it had been iPods, and this time it was Troye’s phone.

“Ryan, come on, give it back,” Troye says breathlessly, he was definitely not in shape enough to be running after anyone. He reaches for his phone, a grin on his face, but when he lunges forward to try for Ryan’s wrist, he causes their noses’ to bump together lightly.

Ryan takes a small hesitant step forward, with a look in his eye that Troye doesn’t catch. A second passes and Ryan presses his mouth to Troye’s. His eyes slide shut as he accepts the kiss, feeling Ryan put his hands on his waist, pulling Troye closer. Their mouths’ move together almost mechanically and when they pull away, it hits Troye.

“Troye, you ready to start up again?” Alex’s voice comes from just outside of the hallway leading out of the studio.

“Talk later?” Ryan asks as they separate.

Troye clears his throat, “Yeah.” 

-

For a few minutes after the kiss, Troye was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything while recording, but the opposite happens. It turns out that it doesn’t distract him at all and he’s able to focus on recording as normal. When it’s time to go back to his hotel he finds Ryan out in the lobby of the studio waiting for him. Looking into his familiar green eyes and the kind smile he’s known for years, he wants to be sure. So he takes Ryan’s hand, leading him into the back seat of the cab waiting outside for him.

They sit patiently in the back, feeling no rush as the driver navigates through the night traffic to Troye’s hotel just a couple of miles away from the studio. Once at the hotel Ryan just follows Troye into the lift up to his room on the seventh floor. The second Ryan closes the door behind him Troye pushes him against it, attaching their lips.

Their mouths’ move together and their hands stay compliant on shoulders and hips. Ryan pushes forward, causing Troye to walk backwards towards the bed. A part of him is ready to let it happen - whatever it may be - but when Ryan moves his lips to Troye’s neck, he realizes it. He’s bored.

“Stop, stop, stop,” Troye shakes his head, pushing lightly on the taller boy’s shoulders.

“What? What’s wrong?” Ryan asks.

“I’m...this isn’t right. I don’t want this.”

“Oh.”

Awkwardly, they make their way back down to the hotel’s lobby. They decide on grabbing dinner in a restaurant within the hotel, the awkwardness growing with each minute that Troye doesn’t explain himself. It’s only after his first beer that his nerves settle down with what he plans on telling Ryan.

“Something happened in Brighton that I haven’t told anyone. But I need to know that I can actually trust you with this,” Troye eyes Ryan seriously, he knows trusting him isn’t the most wise decision.

“Of course, I meant it when I said I want to do whatever I can to get your trust back.”

Troye chews on his bottom lip, his voice dropping an octave when he whispers, “You’re not going to like it.”

“I probably deserve that.”

Troye lets the words rush out before he can talk himself out of it, “I started screwing around with Connor after we broke up.”

Whatever Ryan had been expecting, that wasn’t it, his eyes turn to the size of saucers, “Connor?! As in Connor Franta?! He’s gay?” He nearly shouts the last part.

“Shhh!” Troye exclaims, “He’s not out yet, but yeah.”

Ryan just stares, the gears in his brain slowly taking it in, “How long after we broke up?” Troye insists to the other boy that he doesn’t want all the details, but he’s sparked Ryan’s interest. He pesters Troye into telling him nearly every detail, by the end of it he has an extremely sour look on his face, “Is this some sort of payback?”

“No,” Troye responds instantly, “He was there when I felt like shit. And he held me. One thing lead to another and, well, you know all about that.”

“Then why even bother telling me this? I could’ve done without knowing you literally jumped into bed with Franta right after -”

“Feels shitty, doesn’t it?” Troye interrupts, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you to hurt you. You came completely clean with me and I wanted to return the favor. It’s only right if we’re serious about being friends.”

“So that’s it then? We’re... _friends_?”

The blue eyed boy thinks back to the moment they had upstairs not long ago, firmly replying, “We can’t be anything else.”

-

The week draws to a close, Troye’s gone back to Perth to enjoy one more week off before heading back to L.A. for Youtube events. He’s spent his first day back entirely with Sage, shopping and eating a lot of good food and drinking a lot of good coffee. In the early evening they head to a beach to watch the sunset.

With a blue blanket stretched beneath them, they lay holding hands looking up at the changing colors of the sky. The red and blue hues melt and mesh into purple, the only sounds being the waves crashing on the shore and random children either laughing or screaming. Dammit, he’d missed Perth so much.

“But I thought you loved Ryan?” Sage asks a little later on as the sky begins to turn into a darker shade of violet.

“I do, we’ve been friends since we were kids. But something happened and it kind of changed everything.”

Sages looks over at her big brother expectantly, “Well? Aren’t you going to tell me or do I actually have to ask?”

Troye rolls his eyes over to look his sister, “Okay, I’ll tell you,” Sage’s face beams, “BUT you have to pinky promise you won’t tell anyone.”

“Alright.” She holds up her pinky to him, and he interlocks it tightly with his.

“I sort of. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this -” an embarrassed grin graces Troye’s lips.

“Just tell me!” Sage says kicking her feet in the air.

“I slept with Connor after Ryan and I broke up.”

Sage sits up immediately, covering her mouth with both hands, “What?! You’re joking. You’re actually joking.”

Troye grins, “No, I’m not. I can’t believe it myself but it’s the truth.”

“Wha - how did? When? I don’t even know what to ask first?!” Sage’s voice is soft but incredulous, “Just once? He’s gay?”

“No. Yes.” Troye covers his eyes with his arms, anything to not look his sister in the eye. It’s not that he’s ashamed, it’s just super strange to say out loud still. She’s only the second person he’s told, after all.

“How many times?”

“I don’t know... _a lot_.”

“You’re a slut, Troye,” she says with mirth in her voice.

“Shut up.”

“How long did you wait until after you broke up to jump into bed with Con, how long?”

Troye groans, quickly realizing how much he hates that question, “Like three hours...maybe four?”

“Oh my god.”

“Do you not have anything else to say?” He asks louder than he intended.

“I just can’t believe it! I thought he was straight? I don’t understand,” Sage replies, her voice filled with curious awe, “Are you in love with Connor now?”

“I love Con, but no I’m not in love with him,” Troye has a toothy smile on his face as he speaks, “But...what I felt when I was with him is so much more intense than anything that’s ever happened with Ryan. And I don’t just mean like sex. Sometimes it was just the way he would look at me and I dunno...I’m confused, because, like, was that always there? Did I not realize it because I kept telling myself that I loved Ryan? It’s just kind of -”

“Too much too soon for it to all be completely out of the blue?” Sage finishes for him, laying back down.

The sky has gone black now and the stars have come out, “Exactly.”

“Wow. So Connor Franta. Wow. Would’ve never guessed. You have good taste, Tokki.”

-

_It’s the fifth and final day of Week of Adventures with Connor and Troye, and Troye hates how it all passed in the blink of an eye. They’ve spent the week going on random adventures and also random sexcapades. Troye won’t tell Connor this, but between everything they’ve done during the week the older boy has completely worn him out. In the best way possible. He has muscles achy and sore that he didn’t even know he had in the first place. There are small bruises and scratches littered all over their bodies’; both from the bedroom and from clumsiness outdoors._

_Today they sit peacefully under a tree at Connor’s favorite park to go running. Thankfully, for Troye’s sake, running isn’t part of today’s plan. But frozen yogurt was, Connor had shown up with two giant cups of froyo. Half of each cup had mostly melted on the drive over but it was still refreshing and sweet for the warm L.A. day._

_“This is so good,” Troye comments, taking a spoonful, a few drops of it landing on his t-shirt, “Shit.” Connor laughs at him lightly, “What are you laughing at?” Troye fake pouts._

_“You! You eat like a child,” Connor replies through giggles._

_Troye’s mouth drops open, “It’s not like you’re any better!” He then flings a spoonful of froyo at Connor, some of it landing on his shirt and some splattering on his chin._

_“Hey!” Connor looks down at his shirt, wiping the couple of spots he notices when he feels Troye’s thumb just under his lips on his chin. His breath hitches in his throat as he looks into Troye’s icy blue eyes. He’s looked into those very same eyes countless times these past couple of weeks, yet their effect on Connor doesn’t weaken in the slightest. Every time he looks into them, it’s as if he’s being stared at down to the core of his being, in a way he loves it. In a way, it scares the shit out of him._

_In most circumstances Connor would’ve looked around to be sure no one was around, but again it’s the invisible pull between them and he could swear his body moves on its own. He slowly leans forward, catching the younger boy’s lips between his. It’s slow and sweet, their mouths’ glide together smoothly. Connor’s hands come to cup Troye’s face as he leads the kiss, his heart beating in his ears. He takes his time exploring Troye’s mouth with his own, a hand on the middle of his back gently urging him closer. He easily complies, only ending the kiss when the sound of chirping birds reminds him they’re out in public._

_He pulls back, slightly taken aback with himself. He sees that Troye’s equally surprised, it’s the first time they’ve kissed without any sexual pretenses, “I shouldn’t have done that.”_

-

Connor pants loudly, sweat dripping down his face and back, as he runs up the stairs at a random apartment complex for the seventh time. His thighs are shaking but it’s nothing to the nerves he feels at the thought of coming out to all of the O2L boys later. Usually he only works out about forty-five minutes, but today he’s extended his work out by an hour. He knows he’s stalling, but no matter how much his body aches at the moment, and will be screaming at him later, he can’t seem to muster the courage just yet.

He does push ups, sit ups, planks, squats, lunges, until his body is a shaking mess and he has no choice but to lay on the wet ground to recover. The air is slightly humid from a random morning shower earlier, the scent of mildew still thick in the grass beneath him. He knows he’s being ridiculous, all his nerves causing an unsizeable amount of tension and energy in his body that need to be expelled before going home to actually give this a shot. 

He eventually runs back home, finding the house empty, and promptly jumps into the shower to wash off all the grime and dirt he accumulated in the past two hours. He sets the water to the hottest setting he can handle and lets the water pellet onto his face. Connor steps out, drying off about fifteen minutes later. The hot water caused the mirror in front of him to fog up, so he wipes enough of it for him to be able to look at his reflection, taking a deep breath he quietly tells himself, “I’m gay.” 

It rolls right off his tongue, easy. The words don’t feel heavy, rather they feel light. However it’s the words and actions around those two words that cause a bit of uneasiness. How does he tell them? Just randomly mention in during a conversation about what they’ll be filming for the week? Ask them to have a formal meeting to announce he’s gay? That’s so not like their group. So as he continues to stare at his reflection, he begins his own little monologue of possible ways of coming out to his friends.

“Guys,” Connor says to the mirror with a grim demeanor, “I like dudes.” He shakes his head, “Nope. Too hetero. Okay, um, I like dick! Oh what the fuck, no, that’s too gay. Um...oh! I know…Knock, knock!” He starts in a high pitched voice with a big smile, “Who’s there? A gay...me, I’m a gay? No...that’s too lame,” he says matter of factly to his reflection. He continues, “Oh, hey guys wanna hear a joke? I’m as straight as the Tower of Pisa, HA!” He high fives himself but quickly decides, “No, that’ll just confuse JC and Kian.” 

After ten minutes of rambling to his reflection about, “I like boys. I’m kind of gay. Like, most of the time I’m pretty gay. Okay...I’m gay all the time. I’m gay. I am so gay!” He groans in frustration, he just wants a way that won’t feel like he’s dropping a bomb on his friends. 

A light bulb goes off in his head, deciding to take a completely different route, and he runs with it. Instead he heads over to a local bakery and requests a rainbow cake covered in white frosting. He contemplates making it himself, but concludes his coming out isn’t worth burning down the apartment. He ends up having to pay extra for same day pick up, but takes the opportunity to get errands done; including getting black icing for the words he plans to write on the cake: I’m GAY. He adds hearts for good measure, leaving it in the middle of their dining table for the boys to find later.

-

Tyler picks up Connor a couple of days later for brunch. There’s a subtle excitement bouncing back and forth between them, knowing that in just a few hours Troye’s plane will land at LAX and they’ll be reunited with their Australian friend.

“I swear he’s only been gone a month, but it feels like six,” comments Tyler.

“I know what you mean. I haven’t even had the chance to tell him I came out to all of the guys -”

“Are you serious?! He’s going to give you some shit when you tell him.”

“Probably. His fault for living on the other side of the world.”

“Completely agreed,” Tyler says with a mouthful of waffle.

Tyler doesn’t know how minimal communication between him and Troye has been. It’s the strangest form of separation anxiety he’s ever felt, he knows he technically shouldn’t feel bothered by it. In the past he wouldn’t have, but it would be a lie to say he didn’t constantly wonder what Troye was up to. To go from spending every possible second with him to barely texting each other has been more difficult than Connor wants to admit. He knows there were good reasons, it’s not like either of them had tried to define what had happened between them.

For once Connor had been grateful for Tyler’s mouth that sometimes runs a mile a minute, he had filled him in with a lot of the missing details of what their friend had been up to. The few times they had managed to speak via Skype or phone had gone well, a little awkward, but well. As he sits with Tyler he starts to think that maybe they can go back to normal, a fresh slate now that they’ve had a break of sorts from each other.

But hours later at the airport Connor begins to feel those familiar somersaults in his stomach; ones hadn’t felt in over a month. And when his blue eyed, curly haired friend finally comes into view, giving him a tight hug, Connor knows he’s screwed.

They get dinner at a Mexican restaurant, talking animatedly about their plans for the Youtube convention. Connor doesn’t miss the playful gleam in Troye’s eyes when reaches over Connor to grab salsa. He doesn’t miss how Troye purposely, but subtly makes sure their arms graze over one another. And he doesn’t mind when Troye swipes his Mojito from Connor, taking a long sip before placing it back into his hand.

-

Troye’s first full day is filled with meetings that make it hard for him to stay awake. Still focused on his checklist, he asks Connor to pick him up later and to his surprise the older boy had planned a movie night for them. All the other O2L boys would be out of the house, it being Friday night, and they only need to make a quick trip to get snacks.

When they get back to the house they set up the living room with many pillows and a couple of blankets to make themselves comfortable for their movie marathon. Connor lays a white sheet on the floor just in front of the TV and puts chocolate, guacamole and chips, donuts, beer, and several other snacks on it.

They’ve been quiet most of the time, but it hasn’t been deafening. Each time Troye notices how easy things are between them, even through this level of awkwardness, he grows more and more sure of want he wants. But he’s getting impatient again, he really doesn’t feel like beating around the bush this time, not when he’s pretty sure he knows what he wants.

He sits on the couch, a drink in his hand and a small smile stapled on his face, watching Connor make more guacamole on a table that’s normally used for editing. Thunder booms in the distance, causing Connor to jump as he lays on the couch a little later on. Troye laughs at him, highly amused at the alarm on the older boy’s face, “Do storms scare you?”

“What?! It literally never rains much less storms in L.A., I’m not used to it anymore,” Connor replies, clutching a pillow in his arms, eyes wide as another loud boom of thunder echoes outside. 

Troye shakes his head, smiling, “Just be glad the power hasn’t gone out.” But of course the second he mentions it, the TV and lamps switch off on their own and the room goes completely dark safe for flashes of lightning.

“You had to say it, didn’t you,” says Connor in the most monotone voice he can manage.

“Sorry.”

Connor uses his phones to go to the kitchen and grab a stash of tea candles that were under the sink. He lights two at first on opposite ends of the living room, and from there they set up several all throughout. By the time they're done Troye makes a comment about how it looks like a scene straight out of a bad rom com, Connor just laughs in response. With the power out they settle for snacking on the floor, legs stretched out, patiently waiting for the lights to come back on.

“This guacamole is so yum”

“Yeah? Thanks, I’ll show you how to make it some time.” Connor creates a picture in his mind of teaching Troye how to make it, surely something would go wrong. He abruptly feels Troye’s legs straddling his thighs, bringing him back to reality “Oh my god, what are you doing?!” Connor yelps as the younger boy settles on his lap. Butterflies immediately swirl all over and around on his stomach and he feels his hands shake slightly. He didn’t know whether he hated or loved how unpredictable Troye could be sometimes, all he can do is laugh to calm his sudden jolt of nerves.

Troye smiles a toothy smile, “Shh. Stop laughing, this is going to be so good.” 

“Oh _really_?” 

“Yeah, just trust me,” Troye says very seriously. 

“You’re not being subtle, Troye Sivan.”

“Does that bother you?”

Connor only shakes his head, allowing Troye to intertwine their hands. They both chuckle lightly, letting their nervous giggles play out as they watch their fingers' interlock together. The candles flicker in the background, creating a warm glow on their faces, their eyes sparkling with desire. “What’s taking so long?”

“Patience, Con. I’m focusing. I need this to be -”

“Will you just shut up and kiss me -”

Troye doesn’t let Connor finish his request, bringing their mouths together urgently. His heart immediately jumps to his throat, his veins coming alive as if they are on fire. He knows he’s pressing really hard onto Connor’s lips, but he can’t help himself, he wants to drink in as much of the other boy as possible. 

Warmness and sweetness radiates from Connor’s skin, his hands steady on Troye’s hips. Their lips mold and melt together, the only sound accompanying the thunder being them taking in sharp breaths every now and then. Connor jumps at the thunder a couple of times, causing Troye to smile into their kiss. 

What amazes Troye the most is how it feels like no time has passed at all, how it feels like they’ve picked up right where they left off. When Connor whimpers softly the first time Troye tries to pull away, he triggers a large set of shivers throughout the younger boy’s body. That’s when he knows he was right.

“I told you it was going to be good,” Troye whispers minutes later, resting his forehand against Connor’s, their breaths mingling as they breathe heavily. 

“I think you can do better,” Connor says with a smirk, confidence creeping into his demeanor.

“Ohh oh really? Is that a challenge?”

“You know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so much for all the kudos and comments on the previous chapters! They make me so happy to read and to know people are enjoying this. Also, sorry for the lack of Tronnor interaction in this chapter, I felt it was very heavily Troye centered but it kind of needed to be. Also, also sorry this chapter is unedited, but if I waited to edit it would probably be another week or longer before I'd actually post it. Anyways please continue to leave comments and stuff, they are definitely a motivating factor when it comes to writing ;) Oh! Fun fact: I went to one Troye’s shows last week, he’s so so great and lovely. <3


	4. Third Degree

_“Connor! Slow down!”_

_Nicola has been shouting at him to slow down for the past ten minutes, but Connor’s feet involuntarily continue to pound on the ground, no stopping in sight. He’s several strides ahead of his sister, completely focused on the trail ahead of him._

_He knows he’s pushing his body beyond its limits, he hasn’t ran this hard in months. They hit end of mile six and that’s when he feels his lungs heaving for air and the muscles in his abdomen constrict painfully, he finally comes to a screeching halt in the middle of the trail. Nicola is breathing heavily several meters behind him, desperately needing to catch up._

_Her younger brother is facing away, arms wrapped around his own heaving chest. Nicola comes to a stop, just a few feet behind Connor, and rests her hands on her knees, “Con?”_

_She momentarily accepts his silence and lets herself come to sit on the ground. Normally they always allow their heart rates to slow down before taking a rest, but with having struggled for the past half hour to keep up with Connor and not get separated on a huge mountain with no cell service, she makes an exception._

_Enough time passes for them to regulate their breathing. Connor is still facing away from his sister when he brings his hands to his face, shoulders hunching and shaking slightly. Nicola is just about to comment on his erratic behavior when Connor suddenly lets out an ear-splitting scream, causing her to jump out of her skin._

_Short breaths escape his body when his voice dies, Nicola watches him with wide eyes waiting nervously for him to speak up. He turns around, fists tightly bunched up, his eyes glassy from holding back tears, and weakly says, “I need to tell you something.”_

_“Okay,” Nicola breathes, nodding._

_They settle on the floor in front of their cabin’s fireplace an hour later, mugs of hot tea next to them. Connor is lying down, his head on Nicola’s lap as she gently strokes his freshly washed hair._

_“I wish you’d told me sooner,” she says softly._

_“Yeah, me too,” Connor whispers, enjoying the tranquility and security between them, “Don’t tell mom or dad. I want to tell them the next time I go home.”_

_“Don’t wait too long, Con. I could tell from the second that you called me that this was eating you up. It’s not healthy.”_

_Connor vaguely recalls what he’d said to his sister when he had made a frantic phone call to her just a few days before, telling her that he really needed his older sister but insisting he couldn’t explain things over the phone. It had alarmed Nicola at first but as soon as she flew out to California and saw that he was okay, things started to come together. They’d packed up Connor’s car and drove to a mountain resort a few hours outsides of Los Angeles and he had finally gathered the courage to come out to her._

_Too much had happened too soon and he just needed to talk. It threw Nicola’s week in a loop to spontaneously pick up and leave home, but Connor was so grateful to have a sister willing to do that for him._

_“So what are you going to do about Troye?”_

_“I really don’t know. We agreed for everything to go back to normal once we got back to LA, but things are just...not.”_

_They enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the afternoon, sipping their tea wishing it was cold enough to turn on the fireplace. Connor finally tells her all the overwhelming things that have been happening the last few months. Admittedly, Nicola is a little disappointed it took him so long to come to her._

_“Don’t let LA make you forget how much we all love you, Connor.”_

-

Connor’s eyes flutter open and he’s met with the warmth of his childhood bed. Everything is completely familiar to him. The smell in the air, the comforter that he picked out at the store several years ago, the decorations on his wall, and the only thing that’s foriegn is the lanky body next to him.

Troye developed a serious case of bedhead throughout the night that Connor finds incredibly endearing. Next to Connor’s bed on the floor is an abandoned sleeping bag that Troye left very early on in the night. His breath is steady as he’s still fast asleep, Connor moves closer, wrapping an arm around Troye’s waist snuggly.

“Thanks for coming with me, I know it was super last minute,” Connor whispers sometime later when it’s noticeable that Troye has woken up even though his eyes are still closed.

“You've said thank you like twenty times already, stop,” Troye croaks.

“I know I just - ”

Troye puts a finger to the older boy’s lips, “You don’t have to thank me for caring about you.” He places his face into the crook of Connor’s neck just as Connor sits up. Troye groans, “No. Don’t get up yet.”

“It’s past noon,” Connor chuckles. Troye just grunts in response but follows suit in getting out of bed with Connor.

An air of delicacy follows them around during their time together, intertwining them like loose leaves during the end of summer; not quite ready to let go and fall. Every now and then there will be an impression of confidence between them, one of them will hold the other for seconds longer than normal or simply blatantly stare, not worrying about being caught looking. But the lack of definition still causes them to walk on eggshells sometimes, Troye definitely hesitated before crawling into bed with Connor the night before. Connor stuttered for five minutes when he asked Troye to accompany him to Minnesota.

Their cheeks still burn red when they catch each other staring, kisses still happen hesitantly and unsure, but regardless it feels worth the risk. In the middle of a strange limbo between friends with benefits and more than that, skirting around each other has become an increasingly bad habit. One that Troye’s hoping to break once they’ve gotten their feet on the ground. 

Troye has avoided telling Connor about how things played out with Ryan, while Connor has been avoiding being honest about who he is with the ones he loves the most. It took Troye by great surprise when Connor meekly asked him if he would consider going to Minnesota with him as moral support. 

Somehow that’s how he ended up here, waiting for Connor’s parents to come home while Connor tries to keep his nerves at bay. What he hasn’t figured out is how he ended up with his heart in his throat any time Connor is brave enough to initiate a kiss, or how the older boy found a way to constantly invade his thoughts without even trying.

-

Towards the beginning of the night Nicola drives to pick up Cheryl and Peter from the regional airport. Their faces ring of great surprise to see Connor at first, he hadn’t mentioned he would be home as soon as they’d returned from their vacation in Hawaii, but they immediately envelope their son in bone-crushing hugs. 

Connor tries not to poke too much fun at their half-tan and half-sunburned appearances, all too happy to see his parents for the first time in months, but then the reality sets in. The entire purpose of this trip hits him like a ton of bricks and he suddenly feels like running away.

“And who’s this?” Cheryl asks some time later when she and Peter have settled all their luggage in their bedroom. Her voice breaks Connor out of his thoughts and he realizes she’s asking about Troye.

“Hi, I’m Troye,” he says with feigned confidence, putting out his hand to shake Cheryl’s.

“Oh! We’ve heard about you,” replies Cheryl, taking Troye into a warm hug.

“Oh?” Troye nervously laughs, “Good things I hope.”

“Only good things. Always.” Connor says with a smile that causes Troye’s stomach to flip.

“Hey guys, come to the dining table,” Peter calls, “Nicola made dinner.”

“You’re in for a treat, Troye. Nicola is an amazing cook,” Cheryl says as they walk into the dining area.

An hour and several full bellies later, everyone is starting to go into food comas from Nicola’s amazing cooking. According to Connor she really outdid herself this time and Troye’s extremely impressed, trying not to compare his dismal cooking to hers. Connor’s brothers are the first to clear from the table, quickly followed by Troye and Nicola who both leave the room with knowing looks.

-

Nicola and Troye go into the game room downstairs and begin an intense round of Mortal Kombat while Connor talks with Peter and Cheryl. The only sounds in the room are the ones emitting from the television, they sit awkwardly next to one another, neither sure how to start a conversation. They’ve met before but only briefly and Nicola’s watched Troye’s Youtube videos before so she knows she probably has the upperhand here. 

“So you and Con?” She starts.

Troye nearly drops his controller at the sound of her voice and more importantly, the subject she settles on, “Um...yeah. I guess. I mean...I’m not...I’m not sure.”

“How are you not sure?” She grits her teeth as her character suffers a blow to the head.

The controller starts to slip from Troye’s sweaty fingers, Nicola wins the first round, “Well I mean...wait has he told you anything?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Nicola replies instantly as they’re both trying to figure out the other’s angle, “What has he told you?”

“About what?”

“What are your intentions?”

“Excuse me?”

“What are your intentions with my brother?”

Troye’s fingers fumble on his controller as Nicola brutally beats his character again. He let’s the game stall his answer, thinking of something that won’t piss off a protective sister isn’t easy when she has beat him every round so far, “I...”

“Because you have them right?”

“I-I don’t. I mean I’m not -” Troye’s brain squabbles trying to form coherent sentences, not entirely sure how to answer any of the questions he’s being asked. Sure, he’s given them some thought but he hasn’t come to any conclusions about anything so far.

“You’re not sure? Of what? How do you feel about him? Do you even know?”

Her questions spark some irritation in Troye and he nearly snaps, “Are you seriously giving me the third degree right now?”

“I’m just looking out for Connor. He has a lot going on.”

“Yeah...and so do I,” Troye retorts.

“Yeah, but you’re not my brother,” Nicola deadpans and she turns to look at Troye whose mouth has fallen wide open. The blonde laughs that very rambunctious and ceremonious laugh that all the Frantas seems to have, “I’m just kidding Troye. Only playing the part of older protective sister here. I love Con, but I’m fully aware he can take care of himself.”

“Oh my god, I was genuinely terrified for second,” Troye’s face breaks into a smile, easing back onto the couch, completely relieved that she was only joking, “You Frantas and your sense of humor.”

“How many heart attacks has Connor given you already?”

“Too many.”

Nicola grins sympathetically at Troye, “Get used to it, it’s kind of our thing.”

Troye hesitates before quietly saying, “I plan on it.” 

-

“I couldn’t do it,” Connor tells Troye, “I tried and I just felt like I was going to throw up every time I tried to bring it up.” Connor sighs deeply, scrubbing his hands up and down his face several times, plopping down on the couch next to Troye.

It’s past eleven now and everyone’s gone to bed and they’re the only ones left awake. They’ve put on a documentary on Netflix, the only source of light in the room being the television.

“It’s okay, it’s their first day back. Maybe don’t spring it on them just yet?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t do it at all,” Connor frowns.

Troye takes his hand, squeezing tightly, “Normally I would say do it at your own pace...but you didn’t fly all the way out here to just leave without telling them.” 

Connor lets Troye play with his fingers, enjoying how a simple action could make him feel so at ease, “Yeah, you’re right.”

It’s nearly one when they make their way down to Connor’s bedroom. Troye wants to stay up and watch another documentary, but Connor insists they don’t spend all their days sleeping in and Troye groans at the thought of getting up at reasonable hour. 

However, when the Minnesotan tells him he’ll have something worth remembering if he cooperates, Troye’s interest in sleeping immediately spikes. He just hopes it doesn’t have anything to do with coffee or cats.

-

Troye is less than enthusiastic when he finds out that Connor’s plan for the day involves being outdoors in the heat and much later than what he had imagined, particularly he is disappointed it doesn’t involve a beach. He tries not to grumble too much as Nicola drops him off in the middle of nowhere at Connor’s request. He quickly spots Connor’s old car parked on the side of the road next to an apple orchard.

 **From:** Connor  
4:37pm  
_Follow the trail!_

The balloon emoji clues him in on what to look for and he instantly spots a trail of balloons. Troye walks at a leisurely pace, following the trail and taking in the beautiful scenery around him. There were several trees around, great for hammocking and laying out for picnics. Not too far up ahead in the distance was a breathtaking sunflower field and just as he decides to stray from the path to the field, something wet hits him in the back of the head. Troye yelps, his body recoiling down slightly has the shock of cold water trickles down his neck and back. A second wetness hits him on one of his shoulder blades and that’s when he starts to look around wildly for the source of these attacks.

He glances down at the grass and notices bits of colorful rubber here and there, that’s when he realizes that the balloons around aren’t just balloons - they are in fact water balloons. And surely enough, Connor comes into sight briefly before a balloon hits him square in the face, water exploding all over his face and running down his t-shirt. He takes a moment to recover from the shocks before he shouts, “YOU ARE DEAD CONNOR FRANTA.”

He hears Connor laugh and Troye successfully dodges a balloon before going to pick up a couple of his own and he knows it’s game on.

Unfortunately for Troye, Connor is much more athletic and is not only capable of a much stronger throw, he also is able to dodge many of Troye’s futile attempts to get him. They chase each other around like children, giggling like teenagers, not once resembling the adults they are. By the time the last balloon has been popped, Connor’s chest and legs are wet, while Troye, on the other hand, is completely drenched.

“This was so full on I can’t believe you did this to me,” Troye mutters as he sits cross-legged, arms crossed over his chest as he starts to shiver slightly, “Don’t think for a second I’m helping you pick up all those balloons.”

“It’s a lot less dirty than other things I’ve done to you,” Connor says through a laugh, noticing Troye’s furrowed eyebrows.

Troye’s mouth drops open; it’s the first time Connor has mentioned something even remotely sexual in connection to their relationship since being back in America. It makes him excited to think maybe they're finally going to stop playing games and have an actual conversation about what’s going on between them.

Not at that moment, however, because at that moment all Troye wants is to get back at Con for teasing him. Connor is blissfully staring up at the sky, unaware of Troye’s intentions and Troye takes full advantage of that as he mercilessly dances his fingers all across Connor's body.

Connor immediately screeches and squirms as he realizes he’s being tickled without any mercy. He and Troye both know he’s stronger but Troye gave himself the upper hand when he attacked without warning.

“S-stop! Troye!” Connor half laughs, half shouts as thin fingers continue to torture him.

Troye’s face has broken into a huge toothy smile watching Connor thrash about beneath him, “I”m massaging you,” Troye cackles, matter of factly, “I’m helping you relax.”

“Re-relax?!” Connor gasps between giggles, Troyes fingers digging into his sides, belly, neck, everywhere, “Fuck off!”

Connor let’s out a particularly high-pitched scream when Troye tickles his armpits, causing the younger boy to throw his head back in amusement, giving Connor the perfect opportunity to seize his wrists.

Troye continues to cackle, his wrists being held tightly in Connor’s hands while the older boy catches his breath, letting his own torture-induced laughter die down.

“I knew you were ticklish, but damn,” Troye looks down at Connor haughtily.

“Troye. I’m stronger than you.”

It takes the Australian seconds to figure out what Connor means by this, but when he does he quickly loses his smugness, “Shit.”

And that’s when Connor gets his revenge.

-

Sunsets in Minnesota are impressive, probably not as beautiful as the ones in Perth, but Troye would be lying if he said that the sight of the sunflower field contrasting against the purple sky didn’t take his breath away. In a painfully cheesy end to the night, Connor and Troye exchange small and quick stolen kisses as they watch the sunset. The kisses are sweet and innocent, and while Troye enjoys them for what they are, they aren’t what he’s currently craving.

So as soon as they finally get the house to themselves the following morning, Troye goes to stand in front of Connor, cupping his face in his hands. Connor’s eyes glisten bright emerald green with the natural lighting filtering in through the window. Troye can count the small moles on his face, the faint freckles across his nose, his thin lips are slightly parted, waiting. Troye wants to tell him just how beautiful he is, instead he brings their lips together quickly prying the older boy’s mouth open with his own. 

Lips detach only to meet again milliseconds later over and over again until Troye turns them around to push Connor onto the bed. His hands are everywhere on Connor’s upper body, grasping on the offending clothes keeping him from soft skin. His lanky fingers slip to the button of Connor’s jeans, he only manages to undo the button before Connor sharply gets up from under Troye. 

“Nope! Nope!” Connor says loudly as Troye groans in frustration at the tightness in his own pants.

Troye rolls over onto his back to look up at Connor, “Are we just never going to have sex again or….?”

Connor flushes red, “Not...in my parents’ house.”

“Okay, fair enough,” Troye concedes, rolling his eyes, “But fair warning, you can't talk about dirty things you've done to me and not expect me to get handsy.”

Connor squints his eyes suspiciously, “Have you seriously been thinking about this since last night?”

“Maybe,” Troye pouts bashfully.

-

The day passes without incident and the boys decide to head into town while Nicola and Cheryl begin to prepare several snacks and desserts for game watching. La Crescent doesn’t have a nightlife, Troye becomes aware of this when he sees the outside of the bar that he and Connor have driven to. It’s a small ‘hick’ town, as Connor likes to call it, and there’s hardly anything to do.

They take a booth secluded from the small crowd at the bar who are mostly there to watch the football game and Troye points out that Connor is running out of time to come out to his parents before returning to LA. 

Looking around at the people in the bar it suddenly clicks why being gay has been so difficult for Connor. If the crowd was any indication of the lack of diversity and representation in La Crescent, it was really no surprise that Connor had considered the topic so taboo when growing up. There wasn’t a single man in the bar that either of them could probably relate to and most of them were young, cute even.

Several beers later Connor realizes he barely touched his food, “Shit, I need to eat. I drank too much I can’t drive back,” he says to himself has Troye walks back over from the restroom.

“Connor, we’re late,” Troye says looking at the time on his phone.

“Hmm?”

“We were supposed to be back in time for half time or whatev- are you drunk?! How long was I in there?” Troye furrows his eyebrows with a smile at the sight of Connor’s red eyes and dopey smile.

“Maybe, a weee little bit,” Connor whispers, holding up his thumb and index finger really close together. 

Troye ends up having to help Connor out of the bar and into the car, with an arm around the older boy’s waist while he babbles about the most random things. The younger boy would have been much more amused if it didn’t mean that he had to drive back Connor’s car.

“Troye boy, you’re driving on the wrong side of the road,” Connor comments casually.

“What?!”

“We’re not in Australia.”

“Fuck!” Troye screams as he swerves to the right side of the road a little too quickly.

“Relax, it’s the back roads there’s no one here,” Connor says happily. Troye would’ve laughed at him, had he been sober he knew Connor probably would have freaked out, “The house isn’t too far.”

Troye nods and focuses on the road, he’s not sure why but driving illegally is making him more nervous than expected.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous.”

“Shut up,” Connor takes off his seatbelt, leaning over towards Troye and presses his lips to the other boy’s neck, “Hello?! I’m driving he-” the sentence dies on his lips as he gasps feeling Connor’s hand move between his legs.

“Con, this is -” he let’s out a loud groan when Connor bites down on the sweet spot right below his earlobe while simultaneously softly squeezing the front of his jeans, “Y-you can’t do that while I’m trying to drive us h-home!”

“You can multi-task,” Connor whispers matter of factly and then continues to press warm kisses and bite down teasingly anywhere on Troye that he can reach. Troye chuckles nervously, going double the limit as Connor continues his ministrations. 

Troye has to fight the urge to ravish Connor’s mouth as soon as he parks the car in the driveway, knowing that it won’t help the increasing bulge in his pants.

-

The plan had been to sit in the driveway long enough for Connor to sober up enough that it wouldn’t be noticeable to his parents, however Cheryl opens the front door to let them in as soon as he turns the engine off.

“Hey Mom, hey Dad,” Connor says with a close lipped smile on his face as he just barely manages to step into the house entryway without falling over or slurring his speech too much.

“Did you take Troye to Sports Hub?” Peter asks as he sits on the couch next to his wife.

“Mhmm,” Connor replies, leaning against the front door, making no movement towards the living area. Troye can feel the color leaving his face, becoming more ghostly pale than usual, when he realizes Connor isn’t moving because he can’t without giving away he’s piss drunk.

“Are you just going to stand there?” Cheryl comments, taking a sip of her tea.

Troye feels his insides twist up, knowing something bad will happen soon as Connor sways off the door. Connor moves forward very slowly, hands clasped together in front of himself, stumbling over his own feet, and very much resembling a fawn learning to walk. 

Cheryl furrows her eyebrows, “Connor, are you okay?”

Connor giggles slightly hysterically and Troye decides to cover his eyes, it was too scary to watch, “Yeah! I’m great! I’m SO good! Life is so great don’t you think?”

“Why are you shouting?”

“I don’t know!” Connor continues, throwing his hands in the arm, “It’s just...life is so great and...penguins walk really funny don’t you think?”

Peter looks up at his son incredulously, “What?” A beeping sound comes from the kitchen, drawing Cheryl and Peter’s attention away from their son as they go take care of whatever it is in the kitchen.

As soon as they are out of sight, Troye hastily attempts to save Connor from any further embarrassment, walking up to him with the intention of whispering to him that he should go downstairs to sober up. But as soon as Troye is within an arm’s distance of the older boy, he lunges forward, taking the thin boy into an aggressive hug.

Troye grunts as Connor simultaneously knocks the wind out of him and attempts to lift him, “Oh my god, please calm down - your parents are right there,” Troye mutters frantically, reaching for Connor’s arms which were still wrapped tightly around him.

“I’m twenty-two!” Connor’s says in a childishly high pitch, “I can do what I want,” and he confirms this by pressing his lips to Troyes’. Troye immediately shoves Connor off, causing him to fall onto the couch behind him.

Troye covers his mouth with boths hands to suppress a laugh as he watches Connor sink into the cushions, unable to really move or even get up. Just as he takes a step forward to help the older boy up, Peter and Cheryl walk back in with dessert and snacks in their hands’, just in time to watch Connor roll off of the couch onto the floor, landing facedown with a loud thump.

In unison, the Franta’s both furrow their eyebrows and drop their mouths’ open at Connor’s incredulous behavior. Troye knows it’s a lost cause and he just continues to hold back laughter with wide eyes.

“Connor?” Peter says in complete confusion, “What is going on?”

Connor rolls onto his back, giggling loudly, “My body parts don’t work!”

His parents eyes’ turn to the size of plates, watching Connor stumble to stand up. Surely enough he manages to stand, all while swaying to keep his balance.

“Connor,” Troye speaks up, “Maybe we should get you to your room and -”

“No, no, no,” Connor flails his arms around, “It’s okay, it’s okay. _I’m fine_ ,” he looks pointedly at his parents who are still just staring shell-shocked, “Everything’s okay. I’m just so really very fucking drunk, oh - my - god!”

“You’re drunk?” Cheryl repeats, no emotional indicator as to whether she’s amused or not present in her voice.

“I’m so fucking drunk, oh god, the world is spinning kind of like how it spins when you get on a merry go round but, like, not that slow. And by the way, my body parts work just fine, especially when boys are around - oh wait you don’t know I forgot to tell you!” Connor exclaims excitedly, “I’m gay!” Troye’s eyes practically bulge out of his eyes but Connor doesn’t stop, “Not gay like happy gay but, like, I like dick gay, you know?”

Troye then shoots forward to Connor and covers mouth with both of his hands, “He’s really drunk...I think I’m going to take him to his room and just...yeah.” He doesn’t bother finishing his sentence when he sees that Peter and Cheryl are staring as if an alien has abducted their son’s body. He pulls a blissfully unaware Connor along by the hand down to his room and makes sure to give his parents plenty of time to soak all of that information in before daring to go back upstairs.

-

Thankfully Troye doesn’t have to make the first move in going to interact with the Frantas. They come knocking at Connor’s door after a few minutes with plenty of water and a small bucket just in case. He takes this as a good sign, despite not being able to read their facial expressions. It’s a mixture of amused, perplexed, and possibly disappointed. Troye knows he could be way off so when they ask him to come upstairs to talk, he nearly jumps out of his skin in fright.

“So how long have you and our son been friends?” 

“Over a year now,” Troye twiddles his thumbs awkwardly, this entire situation got really intense really fast and he if could magically flap his arms and fly away, he would.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard Connor say the word fuck so much in his life,” Peter says bluntly, taking a sip of his herbal tea.

Troye’s hands shake slightly, scared that Connor’s parents will pin it on him for corrupting their seemingly innocent son. But then a loud cackle erupts from Peter at the look of Troye’s face and the Australian is startled for the millionth time that night. He swears he can never tell when the Frantas are being sarcastic or serious but he’s thankful it’s usually the former.

“I remember when he was about twelve he said ‘damn’ for the first time,” Cheryl chimes in, “Not fully knowing what it meant and of course, I scolded him. After I told him what it meant and why he shouldn’t say it poor Con felt so bad that he prayed to Jesus every day for a week for forgiveness.”

Troye screws his eyes shut in full on mirth, chuckling silently at the thought of preteen Connor feeling so horrible about dropping f-bombs when he does it on a daily basis now. The three of them have a laugh at twelve-year old Connor’s expense and Troye notices that while the circumstances are extremely awkward, the Frantas are actually doing what they can to make him feel comfortable.

The laughter dies down and Troye speaks up, crossing his arms over his chest, “How do you feel about what Connor said?”

“Well he certainly gave us more information about his sex life than I ever wanted or needed to know,” Peter quickly replies, Cheryl agreeing with wide eyes.

“That’s not something I ever expected,” Cheryl adds after a moment, “It’s only been about 30 minutes. He’s our boy. We love him no matter what.”

-

Around nine am Connor throws back the comforter over his body. Sitting up way too fast, he clutches his head as it swims trying to find balance. 

“Does your head hurt?” Comes Troye’s voice from this desk.

“It’s actually fine,” he says, surprised once he’s stopped seeing stars.

“Your dad made you drink a shit ton of water before we let you fully pass out. Something about dehydration being the cause of hangovers.”

“That’s what happens when your dad’s a doctor.”

“You also got up to pee like four times though.”

“Please tell me I didn’t need help peeing,” Connor groans.

“No, thank god,” Troye smiles, “You just had trouble with the door knobs.” Connor buries his face in his hands, attempting to hide away into his rumpled sheets, “Connor….”

“Yeah?”

“How much of last night do you remember?”

Connor feels his heart drop and he gets right to the point, “Oh god...what did I do?!”

“You sort of came out to your parents,” the color immediately drains from Connor’s face, causing Troye to put up his hands swiftly, “They are totally fine with it. Like...honestly, they weren’t mad about you being gay or anything.”

“But?”

“It’s the way you told them that kind of got them a little...um...”

“How did I say it?” Connor asks, completely perplexed.

Troye shakes his head slowly, “You just kept telling them that you really like boys and...dick.” 

“I told my parents, my _Catholic_ parents, that I like...dick?!” Troye nods with a pained sympathetic look as Connor digs his face into a pillow. 

“Listen, hey, I totally understand,” Troye says while chuckling, placing a hand over his chest.

“Shut. Up.” Connor replies, he rolls around a bit in his bed, attempting to shake off the uncomfortableness. He settles on his back, letting everything digest as he stares at the ceiling, “Fuck me.”

“Can I?” Troye says hopefully, but only earning himself a pillow to the face.

-

Peter and Cheryl never bring up Connor’s choice of words to him and he could’ve kissed them both in gratitude. They take him out for brunch and Connor beams as their love and acceptance washes over him like a waterfall. It may not have happened in the most conventional or eloquent way, but to him it proved further just how unconditional their love for him was. 

The vines of his trueself grow stronger, spreading and expanding even more freely than before now that he has two of the most important people in his life supporting him through this transition of accepting who he is. He feels significantly lighter, which is something he is starting to love and become intoxicated with. It feels real. It feels _alive_.

On the last day of the trip, they exchange sad but warm goodbyes at the airport, and so many things just feel right. A lot has fallen into place and as he watches his family hug Troye goodbye, too, he feels so much admiration for the people in his life. He’s just a bit lucky.

The instructions on airplane safety, which both boys have completely memorized by now, play on the little screens in front of them. The plane starts to back up and then move forward to the runway, waiting its turn to take off.

“I don’t know if you want to know, but I haven’t been screwing around with other guys,” Connor says looking out of the window, partially to take in the last view of the airport before take off, partially because it’s something he’s been trying to tell Troye for days, but couldn’t figure out how to say without sounding presumptuous. He sits back, his hands gripping onto the knees of his jeans.

Connor meets Troyes eyes as he warmly replies, “I did want to know that.”

Connor’s face breaks into a wide smile, hesitantly taking one of Troye’s hands in his. Troye merely rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but with a grin of his own at his lips. Regardless of how horribly cheesy it feels to him, it doesn’t stop Troye from enjoying it and from napping on Connor for the majority of the duration of the flight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'm sorry this chapter took a lot longer to put out. The semester is wrapping up and I'm sure most of you know how that goes. This fic will be roughly 8-10 chapters long and I'm going to TRY to update every couple of weeks if possible. Also sorry this chapter has SOO much dialogue omg. Idk if that's bad but reading over it I was like...yiiikes. Anyway, PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTSSS and stuff, it lets me know how I'm doing with writing this.


End file.
